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are the televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainments?

are the televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainments? Mobyo
Nowadays, the shows of talent became more famous in different societies. This essay agrees that television programs of talent are a great way to explore the talented people. This type of shows encourages to generate new creative and talented societies and facilitate the path for real talent to success. The televised talent programs have a big role in motivate the individuals to seek their hidden aptitude. Which means the increased number of people who discover their special abilities and skills, the variety of creative people in the society would be. Which could help in many aspects of economy. For instance, some of the winners in Arab Got Talent Show displayed their shows in many events in their country and paid thousands of tickets by the audiences. Moreover, these shows contribute the people who is actually talented to reach their dreams and succeed easily. Since, the success requires a long time to achieve. While, many groups of people especially young people have no patient to keep progress and prove their talent to be able to display in front of who is consider, so it seems to be an easiest and effortless way that helps them to present their skills by one step through entering the audition and show the entire world how gifted they are. In conclusion, the programs of talent which are shown on the television one of the modern approaches to appear the unusual skilled people. That stimulates generating variety of creative talents in the societies. Also, the talented people could become popular and recognized through these shows.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
became more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that television programs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
are a great way to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
encourages
Did you mean "generating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to generate
new creative and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and facilitate the path for real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
to success.

The televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
programs have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in motivate the individuals to seek their hidden aptitude. Which means the increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who discover their special abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the variety of creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would be.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of economy.
For instance
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
winners in Arab
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Show
displayed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their country and paid thousands of tickets by the audiences.

Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
contribute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
to reach their dreams and succeed
easily
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
, the success requires a long time to achieve. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no patient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
progress and prove their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
to be able to display in front of who is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it seems to be
Use "the" with the superlative.
an
easiest and effortless way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to present their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by one step through entering the audition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
the entire world how gifted they are.

In conclusion
, the programs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
which
are shown
on the television one of the modern approaches to appear the unusual skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. That stimulates generating variety of creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could become popular and recognized through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
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IELTS essay are the televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainments?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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