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ARE NURSING HOMES THE BEST WAY TO CARE WITH SENIORS?

Over the years, people who are working intensively prefer to send their older family members such as grandparents in care homes. Majority of well-educated doctors claim that this contemporary situation is an absolutely efficient way to take care of elder people perfectly. In my opinion, there are several cons that seniors are cared by in nursing homes which can be grouped as a negative impact on the psychology and intense feeling of loneliness. First of all, old aged people and their families’ physcology may be affected in a negative way. According to a well-known psychological research, eighty percent of the people who can send their elder family members in care homes desire to take them dramatically in these places. Because of the feeling of being careless and mindless, they want to care for them as relatives. Secondly, elderly people must have felt the lack of crucial senses in this sophisticated situation. A great psychological survey has demonstrated that fifty percent of the senior people in care homes considered the feeling of being alone and loveless from their families. Thus, unfortunately, these deep and sensitive thoughts might cause dangerous outcomes for their future like fatal psychological illnesses. Briefly, this increasing trend of care homes results in some significant disadvantages which can be counted as bad effects on their physcology and the lack of vital and necessary senses. As a consequence, people who are thinking about sending their elderly family members in there should pay attention to this critical case. Therefore, they should be so sympathetic to prevent hurting their old family members' senses.
Over the years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working
intensively
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members such as grandparents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. Majority of well-educated doctors claim that this contemporary situation is an
absolutely
efficient way to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perfectly
. In my opinion, there are several cons that seniors
are cared
by in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
which can
be grouped
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the psychology and intense feeling of loneliness.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
Possible spelling mistake found.
physcology
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

According to a well-known psychological research, eighty percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
desire to take them
dramatically
in these places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the feeling of being careless and mindless, they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them as relatives.

Secondly
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have felt the lack of crucial senses in this sophisticated situation. A great psychological survey has demonstrated that fifty percent of the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
considered the feeling of being alone and loveless from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Thus
, unfortunately, these deep and sensitive thoughts might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
outcomes for their future like fatal psychological illnesses.

Briefly
, this increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant disadvantages which can
be counted
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
physcology
and the lack of vital and necessary senses. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are thinking about sending their elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in there should pay attention to this critical case.
Therefore
, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sympathetic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
hurting their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members' senses.
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IELTS essay ARE NURSING HOMES THE BEST WAY TO CARE WITH SENIORS?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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