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Protecting our language and identity

In my opinion, the most important issues are protect our culture, identity and our language. We can protect our language with several ways. Firstly, teaching and participating in language classes are study about their culture and language, they cannot forget them. Second way is to encourage younger generations to speak their language as they grow, so they will then teach their children their language as well. Moreover, the internet can be used to rise awareness about the issues of language extinction and language preservation. For example, we can encourage our children about search their language on the internet and they can reach other information about it. Last but not least, we should save our language and identity because if they don't be protected, they will disappear. When children can communicate with their relatives who can only speak their mother language. To sum up, we should protect our language will represent us. Also, they will continue our culture and identity with these ways.
In my opinion, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues are
Consider using either the past participle “protected” or the present participle “protecting” here.
protect
our culture, identity and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. We can protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
with several ways.
Firstly
, teaching and participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
classes are study about their culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, they cannot forget them. Second way is to encourage younger generations to speak their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as they grow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will then teach their children their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as well
.
Moreover
, the internet can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to rise awareness about the issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
extinction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
preservation.
For example
, we can encourage our children about search their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
on the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
they can reach other information about it. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, we should save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they don't
be protected
, they will disappear.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
children can communicate with their relatives who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
speak their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. To sum up, we should protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will represent us.
Also
, they will continue our culture and identity with these ways.
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IELTS essay Protecting our language and identity

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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