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Are hobbies important? discuss the importance of hobbies

Are hobbies important? discuss the importance of hobbies 6dkL0
These days many people think about hobbies and their advantages on individuals and the community. So, some people think that hobbies are so important in our life, while others believe that hobbies aren't important. In one hand, some people think that there are no benefits from having hobbies, because sometimes your hobby doesn't support your income and your financial situation. For example, if you are a pilot and your hobby is playing sports, you might be gifted and good at playing football but that doesn't cosidered as a supporter to your salary. That is why some think that being a hobbyist is not useful. On the other hand, many people believe that having a hobby is like bringing happiness to your life, because sometimes when you have free time you might think about something can cause problems in your life such as thinking about bad moments which you had them in your childhood and that afects your mental health. When you are happy you are spreading the happiness in your community. Hence the believe that being a hobbyist is beneficial and can improve the whole society. In addition, being intrested in more than two hobbies can improve your mental health. To illustrate, if you are intrested in learning languages, riding horses and playing chess, you will definitely have better memory and mindset. This proves clearly the importance of having hobbies in your life. In conlusion, after a careful analysis of both point views, I believe that being a hobbyist is a very important factor of having a happy, successful and exciting life.
These days
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many
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people
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think
about
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hobbies
and their advantages on individuals and the community.
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So
,
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some
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people
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think
that
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hobbies
are
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so
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important
in our
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life
, while others
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believe
that
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hobbies
aren't
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important
.

In one hand,
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some
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people
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think
that there are no benefits from
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having
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hobbies
,
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because
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sometimes
your
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hobby
doesn't support your income and your financial situation.
For example
, if you are a pilot and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is playing sports, you might
be gifted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing football
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but
that doesn't
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cosidered
as a supporter to your salary.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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think
that being a hobbyist is not useful.

On the other hand
,
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many
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people
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believe
that
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having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is like bringing happiness to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
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because
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sometimes
when you have free time you might
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think
about something can cause problems in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as thinking about
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bad
moments which you had them in your childhood and that
Possible spelling mistake found.
afects
your mental health.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
you are happy you are spreading the happiness in your community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that being a hobbyist is beneficial and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the whole society.

In addition
, being
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
in more than two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your mental health. To illustrate, if you are
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
in learning languages, riding horses and playing chess, you will definitely have better memory and mindset. This proves
clearly
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in your life.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlusion
, after a careful analysis of both point views, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that being a hobbyist is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a happy, successful and exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Are hobbies important? discuss the importance of hobbies

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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