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people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement

people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement jd11d
Most people believe that retirees should not keep working once they have completed their retirement age. In my opinion, I agree due to the fact they can spend their days doing whatever they like. For example, some workers dream with travelling around the world, pursuing their hobbies and spending more quality time with their loved ones. I have an aunt who retired four years ago. She says that what she loves the most is sharing with their grandchildren. If she had not retired, she would not be able to travel to Los Angeles, USA for visiting them and going to the beach. Likewise, according to a study carries out in California reveals that 57% of workers would wish doing this in their retirement. On the other hand, most of older workers between 60 and 75 years should stop working to give the position to young workers who do not have a job. I have a classmate who graduated from the university seven years ago. She had studied business administration nevertheless; she could not find an employment related to her field. In this sense, the newspaper El Tiempo states that in Colombia there is a 50% of unemployment professionals. For this reason, the government ordered the law of “forced retirement age” for people over 60. To conclude retirees should enjoy of their freedom and be generous with the new professionals.
Most
people
believe that retirees should not
keep
working once they have completed their retirement age. In my opinion, I
agree
due to the fact they can spend their days doing whatever they like.
For example
,
some
workers
dream with travelling around the world, pursuing their hobbies and spending more quality time with their
loved
ones. I have an aunt who retired four years ago. She says that what she
loves
the most is sharing with their grandchildren. If she had not retired, she would not be able to travel to Los Angeles, USA for visiting them and going to the beach.

Likewise
, according to a study carries out in California reveals that 57% of
workers
would wish doing this in their retirement.
On the other hand
, most of older
workers
between 60 and 75 years should
stop
working to give the position to young
workers
who do not have a job. I have a classmate who graduated from the university seven years ago. She had studied business administration
nevertheless
; she could not find an employment related to her field. In this sense, the newspaper
El
Tiempo
states that in Colombia there is a 50% of unemployment professionals.
For this reason
, the
government
ordered the law of “forced retirement age” for
people
over 60.

To conclude
retirees should enjoy of their freedom and be generous with the new professionals.
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IELTS essay people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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