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The number of public holidays in Malaysia should be reduced. What do you think?

The number of public holidays in Malaysia should be reduced. What do you think? LlE36
Public holiday is a holiday for special occasions. Interestingly, Malaysia is one of the countries that has the most public holidays in the world. Hence, I believe that the number of public holidays in Malaysia should not be reduced. It is because Malaysian come from various races and Malaysian can be more stress free too. First and foremost, the variety of races is the vital reason why public holidays in Malaysia should not be reduced. Every race has its own festival such as Deepavali and Hari Raya. Therefore, the number of days to celebrate the festival will be reduced if the reduction of public holidays happens. Consequently, Malaysian will not have freedom to enjoy their own festival. For instance, they might have other responsibilities to do on the day of the festival such as completing the homework given by teachers. Thus, it can be clearly seen that public holidays in Malaysia should not be reduced due to the variety of races. In addition, Malaysian can be more stress free if the public holidays are not reduced. Public holidays are the time when Malaysian spend with their family and hobbies. These activities can reduce the stress that comes from school and work. As a result, they will become happier as they have time to do what they like. This proves that Malaysian can be more stress free if public holidays are not reduced. In conclusion, public holidays in Malaysia should not be reduced as there are a variety of races in Malaysia and Malaysian can be more stress free too. Hence, the authority must consider the effects that might happen if they want to reduce the public holidays in Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
for special occasions.
Interestingly
, Malaysia is one of the countries that has the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in the world.
Hence
, I believe that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in Malaysia should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
and Malaysian can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
too.

First
and foremost, the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
is the vital reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in Malaysia should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepavali
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raya
.
Therefore
, the number of days to celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
if the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
happens.
Consequently
, Malaysian will not have freedom to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
.
For instance
, they might have other responsibilities to do on the day of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
such as completing the homework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by teachers.
Thus
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in Malaysia should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
due to the variety of races.

In addition
, Malaysian can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are the time when Malaysian spend with their family and hobbies. These activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from school and work.
As a result
, they will become happier as they have time to do what they like. This proves that Malaysian can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in Malaysia should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
as there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
in Malaysia and Malaysian can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
too.
Hence
, the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the effects that might happen if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in Malaysia
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IELTS essay The number of public holidays in Malaysia should be reduced. What do you think?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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