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Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invastion into their private life? v.2

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invastion into their private life? v. 2
In recent decades, famous people have been received a great deal of media attraction due to its fame. Although the idea of keeping their private lives as a secret, they have to responsible for their fame. One of the most reasons is that they are unusual humans. First, artists and singers always decorate for their outfit carefully anytime before they leave out. For example, in the shopping centers, the normal customers are easy to be attracted by famous appearances, which is why more companies spend money on famous people for advertising to develop profits. Second, the special opportunities to talk with famous people or to take with them photographs are quite seldom. In fact, the famous inhabitants, who have substantial impacts on social communities, are extraordinary sorts of human kinds, which encourage the communities to curiousness about what they put attention to on the facebook. Another reason is the famous people are rich. In fact, normal people have lots of questions about the unreasonable ways of famous people spending money. For example, inhabitants actively look for information on the Internet about singers or actors' daily activities like what they eat and who they engage with, encouraging more advertisement campaigners hiring famous people to wear their products on. Second, the famous people utilize their popularity to communicate relationships with other fields like businesses, building investments, and global corporations. In conclusion, famous people are treated fairly by the press since it is getting increasingly harder for the media to cross life nowadays. It is safe to say acknowledging the celebrities' higher privacy responsibility associated with fame is key to finding common ground between the media and celebrities on this subject matter.
In recent decades,
famous
people
have
been received
a great deal of media attraction due to its fame. Although the
idea
of keeping their private
lives
as a secret, they
have to
responsible for their fame.

One of the most reasons is that they are unusual humans.
First
, artists and singers always decorate for their outfit
carefully
anytime
before
they
leave
out.
For example
, in the shopping centers, the normal customers are easy to
be attracted
by
famous
appearances, which is why more
companies
spend money on
famous
people
for advertising to develop profits. Second, the special opportunities to talk with
famous
people
or to take with them photographs are quite
seldom
. In fact, the
famous
inhabitants, who have substantial impacts on social communities, are extraordinary sorts of human kinds, which encourage the communities to curiousness about what they put attention to on the
facebook
.

Another reason is the
famous
people
are rich. In fact, normal
people
have lots of questions about the unreasonable ways of
famous
people
spending money.
For example
, inhabitants
actively
look for information on the Internet about singers or actors' daily activities like what they eat and who they engage with, encouraging more advertisement campaigners hiring
famous
people
to wear their products on. Second, the
famous
people
utilize their popularity to communicate relationships with other fields like businesses, building investments, and global corporations.

In conclusion
,
famous
people
are treated
fairly
by the press since it is getting
increasingly
harder for the media to cross life nowadays. It is safe to say acknowledging the celebrities' higher privacy responsibility associated with fame is key to finding common ground between the media and celebrities on this
subject matter
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invastion into their private life? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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