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Animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights

Animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights 3Lj3b
It has become a debatable topic about the exploitation of animals by mankind. Some people said that animals should not be exploited and should be treated fairly by human beings. In contrast, others suggested that the exploitation of animals is necessary for many aspects of life such as sources of food or medical testing. The following essay will discuss both views in detail, but in my opinion, I believe that animals should be used for food or to assist human beings in a proportionate way and humans should treat them properly. On the one hand, a group of people believes that people do not have the right to exploit animals because, as they are also living creatures. Although animal cannot verbally express their choices, they do form deep and lasting bonds with each other such as joy, grief, and affection. Moreover, some of the species disappeared or standing on the edge of extinction because of the exploitation of human beings such as white rhino, tigers, lions, and so on, so enacting laws is vital which will protect them from extinction. On the other hand, it is undeniable that mankind needs the assistance of animals in various kinds of ways. To begin with, animals are essential for people to assist them in producing foods. For instance, cows, horses, buffalo are useful for the farmers because of their support in the field to cultivate plants on the fields. Besides, rights are, after all, a human construct, for that reason, to get rights, you must put something into that system that gives you those rights which are the contribution of taxes, voting, and so on. Finally, animals do not feel the pain as the same way as the human, their brains are less developed than humans. Therefore, human beings can sacrifice the rights of animals to do some good, for example, scientists use white mouses to test the new treatment instead of people, so this sacrifice is imperative. To conclude, although, rights are crucial for animals which can protect them from overexploitation however animals can not be replaced because people need animals to evolve in the future.
It has become a debatable topic about the exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
by mankind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not
be exploited
and should
be treated
fairly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
In contrast
, others suggested that the exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is necessary for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life such as sources of food or medical testing. The following essay will discuss both views in detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for food or to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
Consider replacing "in a proportionate way" with the adverb for "proportionate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proportionate way
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should treat them
properly
.

On the one hand, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as they are
also
living creatures. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
cannot
verbally
express their choices, they do form deep and lasting bonds with each other such as joy, grief, and affection.
Moreover
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
species disappeared or standing on the edge of extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the exploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings such as white rhino, tigers, lions, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
enacting laws is vital which will protect them from extinction.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that mankind needs the assistance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in various kinds of ways. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to assist them in producing foods.
For instance
, cows, horses, buffalo are useful for the farmers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their support in the field to cultivate plants on the fields.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
are,
after all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
construct, for that reason, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put something into that system that gives you those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
which are the contribution of taxes, voting, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
do not feel the pain as the same way as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
, their brains are less developed than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings can sacrifice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
for example
, scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
white mouses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the new treatment
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this sacrifice is imperative.

To conclude
, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
are crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which can protect them from overexploitation
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can not
be replaced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to evolve in the future.
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IELTS essay Animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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