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Animals are killed and consumed for human needs Some people consider this as cruel However others consider this as mandatory Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Animals are killed and consumed for human needs Some people consider this as cruel However others consider this as mandatory 1
Public celebrations, which are generally quite expensive, are held in almost all the countries. Some people propose that the Government should put this money on the tasks which are far more essential. I totally agree with this approach as this can improve both the efforts such as education and transportation of the country. To begin with, the cogent reason why government should invest money in question in education instead that it would become more affordable for people. When Government bears the operational cost of academic institutions which includes building fees and staff salaries, they do not require to charge a hefty amount from parents. As a result, they usually feel encouraged to send their children school. To illustrate, the Government of Delhi had introduced free invitation campaign, which got 10 thousand admissions, to offer education to financially challenged group last year. Thus, if governing bodies wish to invest a sum of money for a better purpose, then education should be on their priority. What is more, the government could use the money in question to provide a discount on the fare of local transport. Since, more often than not, the government encourages people to choose a public transportation system in order to save the environment, reduced ticket price would motivate them to prefer public transport for their daily travel. For instance, as per a recent survey, 5000 people in Delhi opted to travel by the metro for their daily commute in the year 2019 as government slashed the fare. Therefore, since every government focuses on saving natural ecosystem, they should pursue an investment in public transportation. To conclude, a decent sum of money being spent on national holiday celebrations, however, this money can be spent by offering a discounted education and transportation services. This essay discussed how government can invest the same funds in the education and transportation system, and how these efforts can motivate people to make their children literate and help safeguarding the natural ecosystem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
celebrations, which are
generally
quite expensive,
are held
in almost all the countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
propose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should put this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the tasks which are far more essential. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this approach as this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both the efforts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
of the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the cogent reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in question in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
that it would become more affordable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
bears the operational cost of academic institutions which includes building fees and staff salaries, they do not require to charge a hefty amount from parents.
As a result
, they
usually
feel encouraged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children school. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
of Delhi had introduced free invitation campaign, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
10 thousand admissions, to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
financially
challenged group last year.
Thus
, if governing bodies wish to invest a sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a better purpose, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be on their priority.

What is more
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in question to provide a discount on the fare of local transport. Since, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system in order to save the environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
ticket price would motivate them to prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport for their daily travel.
For instance
, as per a recent survey, 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Delhi opted to travel by the metro for their daily commute in the year 2019 as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
slashed the fare.
Therefore
, since every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focuses on saving natural ecosystem, they should pursue an investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation.

To conclude
, a decent sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
being spent
on national holiday celebrations,
however
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be spent
by offering a discounted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
services. This essay discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can invest the same funds in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system, and how these efforts can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children literate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to safeguard" or "safeguard".
safeguarding
the natural ecosystem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Animals are killed and consumed for human needs Some people consider this as cruel However others consider this as mandatory 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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