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Animal extinction due to human activities

Animal extinction due to human activities 3a7LJ
It is undeniable that number of the wildlife species are declining day by day in our world. According to some people, this trend could be due to human activities. I am completely agree with this statement and we can take some action to control this extinction process. There are various factors that contributed in species extinction. First of all, in some countries, people tend to hunt animals without obeying rules and regulations. For instance, a study have been shown that underdeveloped countries have more declining of animal populations, those countries have laws about hunting, but people are failed to follow them. Secondly, pollutions from the vehicles and airplanes are causing detrimental effects on wild species, animals inhale low oxygen air that leads to dangerous health problems among them because of this, animal started to disappearing from the world. Last but not least, with rising of human population, we have slowly crept into space of the animals. Since one needs space to live, massive deforestation taken place destroying the habitats of animals. As a consequences, animals are forced to relocate. There are various methods to tackle this issues to save the rare animals. Government should creat strict laws and regulation about hunting. For instance, developed countries including Canada and USA, has rules and regulation to protect the wild life. They have strict rules how much a person can hunt the animals per season. Moreover, the essential point is educating the public about the preservation of animals to survive in their habitats. Furthermore, people need to avoid cutting the trees and limit the usage of cars and vehicles that contributed the pollution. To sum up, I believe that many problems of animal extinction are caused by human activities. The government must take quick action to prevent the extinction of animals and build a strict rules and regulation to protect them.
It is undeniable that number of the wildlife species are declining day by day in our world. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this trend could be due to human activities. I am completely
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
statement and
we can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action to control this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
process.

There are various factors that contributed in species
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
without obeying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
.
For instance
, a study have
been shown
that underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more declining of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
populations, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have laws about hunting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are failed
to follow them.
Secondly
, pollutions from the vehicles and airplanes are causing detrimental effects on wild species,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
inhale low oxygen air that leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
health problems among them
because of this
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to disappearing from the world. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, with rising of human population, we have
slowly
crept into space of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Since one needs space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, massive deforestation taken place destroying the habitats of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are forced
to relocate.

There are various methods to tackle this issues to save the rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
creat
strict laws and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulation
about hunting.
For instance
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
including Canada and USA, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulation
to protect the wild life. They have strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
how much a person can hunt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
per season.
Moreover
, the essential point is educating the public about the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to survive in their habitats.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to avoid cutting the trees and limit the usage of cars and vehicles that contributed the pollution.

To sum up, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
are caused
by human activities. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take quick action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and build a strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulation
to protect them.
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IELTS essay Animal extinction due to human activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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