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Lower Quality of Education

Lower Quality of Education n6DE7
Nowadays, there is an opinion about the education quality of literacy and counting skills that become weaken. Related to this issue, I think there are few causes that influence that condition. Moreover, there also solutions related to it. The first cause that makes people having a lower quality of literacy and numeracy is more people prefer to do outdoor activities rather than read some formal literature. Recently, elementary student are enjoying playing outside their classes such us playing football or just having a chit chat with their friends. Spending their time in class by reading books or doing some calculating exercise become a boring activities because they cannot interact with their friends. By this condition, school needs to encourage their student to read more books by develop new teaching methods so their student can enjoy the in class activities. The development of online games industry also affects the habit of people in enjoying their leisure time. Before, people read books as their hobby but recently more people playing games rather than reading a book. Less or more, this changes impact to the people literacy skill. The solutions for this situation is the government need to push the games industry to develop application or games that related to literature or numeracy, so people can develop their skill event ought using a games. So, the increasing of interesting outdoor activities and the changes of habit that how people spend their leisure time affect to the declining educational quality of literacy and numerical skill. That’s why, school need to develop new method of teaching and government need to develop games that related to literacy and numeracy to solve the problems.
Nowadays, there is an opinion about the education quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
and counting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that become

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weaken
.
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Related
to this issue, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are few causes that influence that condition.
Moreover
,

there
also
solutions
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related
to it.

The
first
cause that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people
having a lower quality of
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literacy
and numeracy is more
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people
prefer

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
do outdoor activities
rather
than read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
formal literature. Recently, elementary student are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
enjoying
playing outside their classes such us playing football or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
having a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
chit chat
with their friends.

Spending their time in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
by reading books or doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
calculating exercise become a boring

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activities
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because
they cannot interact with their friends. By this condition, school needs to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
encourage


their student to read more books by
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develop
new teaching methods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their student can enjoy the in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
class
activities.

The development of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
industry
also
affects the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in enjoying their leisure time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
,
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people
read books as their hobby
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but
recently more
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people
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than reading a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
book
. Less or more, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
impact to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. The solutions for this situation is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


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government
need to push the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "games'" or "game's"?
games
industry to
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develop
application or
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games
that
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related
to literature

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or
numeracy,
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so
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people
can
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develop
their
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skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
ought using
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a game" or simply "games"?
a games
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the increasing of interesting outdoor activities and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of habit that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
leisure
time affect to the declining educational quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literacy
and numerical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. That’s why,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
school


need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
new method of teaching and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
literacy
and numeracy to solve the problems.
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IELTS essay Lower Quality of Education

Essay
  American English
19 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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