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Youth in shopping malls

Youth in shopping malls don92
hese days, young generation are spending most of their free time in shopping malls to do shopping or spending time with their friends. This trend brings negative influences on the youth, and as well as on the society. I am completely agree with this statement. At the individual level, there are various negative impacts of this trend. First of all, the young generation not only wasting their time but also spending huge amount of money in shopping complex. For instance, youngsters tend to buy useless and unwanted products that end up never using them. They try to purchase branded clothing and other accessories in order to impress their friends that leads negative effects on their mates that who are unable to afford these goods. Besides, when young generation meet up with their friends, they might adopt bad habits such as smoking, drinking and stealing. As we can see that this trend has tremendous negative effects. This trend not only brings detrimental effects on individual but also on the society. When the young generation spends more time in shopping plaza, they would have less time for education and physical activities. For example, a study conducted in British health institute showed that the youth who spend more time in shopping centres has suffered with cardiac diseases because they are eating unhealthy food that lead to obesity. As a result, health system would have to spend more money to treat such problems. Furthermore, they are not learning new skills and not involving in creative activities thus the society would have more uneducated people and unskilled workforce. As we all know a healthy society needs educated and healthy people in order to become a developed nation. In conclusion, spending-leisure time in mall has detrimental effects on the youngsters and the society. In my perspective the youngsters should spend less time in galleries and more time in learning new skills, reading books and creative activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hese
days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are spending most of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
or spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
influences on the youth, and
as well
as on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I am completely
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement.

At the individual level, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
spending huge amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complex.
For instance
, youngsters tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
useless and unwanted products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up never using them. They try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
branded clothing and other accessories in order to impress their friends that leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects on their mates that who are unable to afford these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Besides
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with their friends, they might adopt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as smoking, drinking and stealing.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings detrimental effects on individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
plaza, they would have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for education and physical activities.
For example
, a study conducted in British health institute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the youth who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
has suffered with cardiac diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are eating unhealthy food that lead to obesity.
As a result
, health system would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more money to treat such problems.
Furthermore
, they are not learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and not involving in creative activities
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would have more uneducated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and unskilled workforce. As we all know a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs
"needs educated" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "educating" or "to be educated".
educated
and healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to become a developed nation.

In conclusion
, spending-leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in mall has detrimental effects on the youngsters and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my perspective the youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in galleries and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, reading books and creative activities.
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IELTS essay Youth in shopping malls

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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