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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What solution do you suggest to deal with this situation?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What solution do you suggest to deal with this situation? rxL2
In recent years many academic and high educated people immigrate to rich nations. This essay will argue what problem in result of this would cause in their own country and also this essay will suggest how raising children in schools with anti selfishness values would help this problem There are a huge number of talented and academic people with important jobs which helps the improvement of society, have left their country to live in better circumstances. When a nation loses its potential human resource and high educated people it won’t be able to grow and this leads to go backward and experience more poverty. As an example, eighty percent of university graduates in Iran leave their country to Europe and USA which makes the country experience worse economics and life quality. So that leaving country with a great potential to improve it, has grown in recent years. As young age has a big effect on the person to choose his future way in life, teaching children in school ages the concept of nationalism and moral values would avoid the children to leave their country and denying its improvement and of course their great role they play for their nation. For example, in Japan children are being taught to attempt for their society and being loyal to their people. So that in order to avoid this problem, media and school can help to lead children thinking system to more loyal and social thinking system. To summarize, immigration of high educated people has made problems for these countries. This essay argued what problem is caused by this action such as poverty and unsuccessfulness for a nation and also suggested value making in young ages to prevent this problem.
In recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic and high educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. This essay will argue what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in result of this would cause in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
also
this essay will suggest how raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in schools with
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti selfishness
values would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
this problem

There are a huge number of talented and academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
jobs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the improvement of society, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in better circumstances. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
loses its potential human resource and high educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it won’t be able to grow and this leads to go backward and experience more poverty. As an example, eighty percent of university graduates in Iran
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to Europe and USA which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
experience worse economics and life quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a great potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it, has grown in recent years.

As young age has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
effect on the person to choose his future way in life, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school ages the concept of nationalism and moral values would avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and denying its improvement and
of course
their great role they play for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, in Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being taught
to attempt for their society and being loyal to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that in order to avoid this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, media and school can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thinking system to more loyal and social thinking system.

To summarize
, immigration of high educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay argued what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is caused
by this action such as poverty and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsuccessfulness
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and
also
suggested value making in young ages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What solution do you suggest to deal with this situation?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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