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An increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery inorder to improve their appearance. why do people want to change the way they look?.Is it positive or negative development

An increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery inorder to improve their appearance. why do people want to change the way they look? . Is it positive or negative development 55Gke
In this day and age people want to look attractive so they choose the path of cosmetic surgery according to my point of view it is an negative development Many people think that they want to look more smart and attractive as compared to there natural appearance. The main use of cosmetic surgery is preffered by the film stars for the modeling as well to attract the public towards them. As cosmetic surgery enhance there beauty it results to increase there fan following and fans stars to copy there role models. Morever large companies give a huge chunk of money to models to promote there brand. Foe example as they look more preety by surgery the public start buying the same products. It is a negative development because once we started with the cosmetic surgery we loose our natural skin moreover after sometime people start suffering from skin problem. There is a no doubt that once we look good but the cosmetic surgery is nor for along perid of time. People use huge chunk of money on plastic surgery but it doesnot shows the results furthermore. Due to enhance our look sometimes we damage our natural looks also. which leaves negative impact on our society Overall, cosmetic surgery is not for a long run it can be only used by professional people but this surgery should not be promoted much because it has anegative development.
In this day and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose the path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery according to my point of view it is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
more smart and attractive as compared to there natural appearance. The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery is
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
by the film stars for the modeling
as well
to attract the public towards them. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery enhance there beauty it results to increase there fan following and fans stars to copy there role models.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
give a huge chunk of money to models to promote
Did you mean "their"?
there
brand. Foe example as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
preety
by surgery the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
buying the same products.

It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery we
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
our natural skin
moreover
after sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
suffering from skin problem. There is a no doubt that once we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery is nor for along
Possible spelling mistake found.
perid
of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
huge chunk of money on plastic surgery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesnot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the results
furthermore
. Due to enhance our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we damage our natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
also
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our society

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgery is not for a long run it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this surgery should not
be promoted
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
anegative
development.

IELTS essay An increasing number of people choose to have cosmetic surgery inorder to improve their appearance. why do people want to change the way they look? . Is it positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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