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An increasing number of people change their career during their worklife. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development for the society?

An increasing number of people change their career during their worklife. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development for the society? ABp3X
Nowadays, many people change their career increasingly in their working year. So, this essay intends to explain the various reasons behind this issue and I believe that it is a positive development of people. First and foremost reason behind this issue is that people have huge job perspectives. They enjoys lot of opportunities. For instance, an employer work under company, then, they get knowledge about productivity of corporation, so, this will helps to employer in future to set up their own business. In addition, people feel less contended with their first career selection. They feel less satisfying from their previous jobs, that is why, people switching their jobs for satisfaction purpose. Thus, these are the big reasons for this cause. Consequently, this development beneficial for people financially and mentally. Firstly, they become financially secure because they works in different fields and get higher earning according to their nature of work. For instance, teachers work under the school, get an experience or knowledge of teaching, then, they open their own tution Centre at home, enjoy better life by getting higher earning of money. Secondly, it helps to people to enhance their mental skills Owing to get more satisfaction. To conclude, so the big reason to behind this fact is more job opportunities and satisfaction. Therefore, this is a positive development of people in future
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their career
increasingly
in their working year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this essay intends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this issue and I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
perspectives. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "enjoy".
enjoys
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
opportunities.
For instance
, an employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, then, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about productivity of corporation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to employer in future to set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel less contended with their
first
career selection. They feel less satisfying from their previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
that is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
switching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for satisfaction purpose.
Thus
, these are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this cause.
Consequently
, this development beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
and mentally.
Firstly
, they become
financially
secure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "work"
works
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher earning according to their nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
under the school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an experience or knowledge of teaching, then, they open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
at home, enjoy better life by getting higher earning of money.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Owing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more satisfaction.
To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to behind this fact is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and satisfaction.
Therefore
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in future
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people change their career during their worklife. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development for the society?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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