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An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? jm6N
Nowadays, fast food’s popularity is increasing at swift rate among in the youngsters as well as in the adults, and due to this trend, a number of hazardous diseases are occurring in the community. I fully agree that these days individuals like to consume fast edibles rather than healthy diet. This essay will elucidate numerous problems which have been raised due to this and will provide various effective solutions. Firstly, a fat person looks unattractive, of course, is unable to perform many daily activities. Moreover, this situation can cause depression and anxiety. To illustrate that, a survey was conducted by the Discovery channel states that 65% folk who are suffering from obesity, are also become the victims of psychological diseases. In addition to that, they also have less self- esteem. Secondly, obesity can lead to heart related problems, to explain it further, according to the recent studies shows that people whose weight is more than 125 kg may face heart attacks due to the fact that arteries that circulates blood in the heart gets blocked. As every cloud has a silver lining, there are a plethora of tremendous ways to get rid from this problem. First possible solution is to aware crowd about the consequences of eating unhealthy diet, thus, they will consider two times before buying the fast food. Another possible preventive step is that parents should scold their children if they insist to eat the fast food, and they should encourage them to adopt healthy habits regarding their health. Furthermore, if the price of fast food is increased by the government then people will be forced to cook their meals at their homes because these days fast is available at immensely low rate. To conclusion, after analyzing the recent surveys and researches, new generation is used this and to prevent it, there are many possible solutions are present, as I mentioned above.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
popularity is increasing at swift rate among in the youngsters
as well
as in the adults, and due to this trend, a number of hazardous diseases are occurring in the community. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these days individuals like to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
edibles
rather
than healthy diet. This essay will elucidate numerous problems which have
been raised
due to this and will provide various effective solutions.

Firstly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
person looks unattractive,
of course
, is unable to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
daily activities.
Moreover
, this situation can cause depression and anxiety. To illustrate that, a survey
was conducted
by the Discovery channel states that 65% folk who are suffering from obesity, are
also
become the victims of psychological diseases.
In addition
to that, they
also
have less self- esteem.
Secondly
, obesity can lead to heart related problems, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, according to the recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose weight is more than 125 kg may face heart attacks due to the fact that arteries that circulates blood in the heart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
blocked.

As every cloud has a silver lining, there are a plethora of tremendous ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The usual collocation for "rid" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "rid of"?
rid from
this problem.
First
possible solution is to aware crowd about the consequences of eating unhealthy diet,
thus
, they will consider two times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Another possible preventive step is that parents should scold their children if they
The usual collocation for "insist" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insist on eating"?
insist to eat
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and they should encourage them to adopt healthy habits regarding their health.
Furthermore
, if the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is increased
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be forced
to cook their meals at their homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
is available at
immensely
low rate.

To conclusion, after analyzing the recent surveys and researches, new generation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible solutions are present, as I mentioned above.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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