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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. m7d8
The matter that whether or not smoking should be allowed in public places is a contentious one. While many support the idea that it should be strictly prohibited in public places, others, however, argue that doing so will limit people's freedom. I agree with the former and am presenting arguments in support of the same. First of all, somebody smoking in the presence of other people makes them passive smokers. In other words, the person who does not even like to smoke ends up inhaling the smoke, just because he/she is standing near to someone, who is smoking. This situation can get even worse if someone, already having health complications, for example; a senior citizen is one who is becoming a passive smoker. Henceforth, if smoking is banned in public places, such scenarios can be avoided. Secondly, smoking is not a necessity, So if it is prohibited from places that are shared by the public, smokers would still have the liberty to smoke in their private places. As a matter of fact, non-smokers are the ones whose freedom is compromised more if somebody is smoking in a public place. For example, I am a non-smoker and it is so annoying when someone passes you, exhaling smoke on you. Therefore, smoking should be restricted to private places. To conclude, besides all the health consequences that smoking brings to smokers, it can have a similar impact on passive smokers too; Henceforth, authorities should impose strict laws to prevent people from smoking the public places.
The matter that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is a contentious one. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it should be
strictly
prohibited in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, others,
however
, argue that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will limit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's freedom. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former and
Did you mean "am I"?
am
presenting arguments in support of the same.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, somebody
The pronoun 'somebody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "smokes", "smoked".
smoking
in the presence of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them passive smokers.
In other words
, the person who does not even like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
ends up inhaling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she is standing near to someone, who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. This situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
even worse if someone, already having health complications,
for example
; a senior citizen is one who is becoming a passive smoker. Henceforth, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, such scenarios can
be avoided
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not a necessity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if it
is prohibited
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that
are shared
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, smokers would
still
have the liberty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. As a matter of fact, non-smokers are the ones whose freedom
is compromised
more if somebody is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For example
, I am a non-smoker and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
annoying when someone passes you, exhaling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
on you.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be restricted
to private places.

To conclude
,
besides
all the health consequences that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
brings to smokers, it can have a similar impact on passive smokers too; Henceforth, authorities should impose strict laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
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IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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