Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in health and health care costs. Why do you think a lot of children are overweight? What can be done to solve this problem?

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in health and health care costs. Why do you think a lot of children are overweight? What can be done to solve this problem? g5xBd
It is undeniable that number of juveniles confronting overweight problem has been escalating day by day. The reasons for this hiking problem along with the remedies will be elaborated by me in this essay. To commence with the causes of given issue, the first and foremost reason is advent of technology and hecticness of guardians. To explicit it, nowadays mostly both mother and father go to their workplaces and they do not have time for their offsprings, and mostly internet amenity is available to children. So, their children kill their leisure time while using electronic gadgets, either mobile phone or laptop. Teenagers have gotten addicted to video games due to which they do not give preference to playing physical games. As they remain sit all the time, so they are getting obese. Second reason for overweight problem is burden of education. Learners spend about 6 to 7 hours a day in school and they get a lot of homework from their institutes, even some of them pay a visit to tution centres after coming back from schools which incline their mental stress. They get tired mentally as well as physically and become unable to perform outdoor activities. Consequently, they fall prey to obesity. Moving further towards the possible measures of this problem, the first solution can be that parents have to give some quantity of time to their children so that they can limit the time their children use cellphones and their offsprings can also be motivated by their guardians to play physical games by taking them into the gardens. When parents play with their kids then children would get interested to play and when they play they will burn calories which result in weight loss. Second remedy is to make it mandatory for students to keep any game in school. By making it compulsory, every pupil has to keep game and they will have to play that game. Generally, in schools one lecture is of approximately 1 hour, so by playing for 1 hour children can overcome the problem of obesity. To conclude, parents, internet and stress of study are some reasons for inclining weight of children but by making game compulsory, and parents' quality of time and motivation can mitigate this problem.
It is undeniable that number of juveniles confronting overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
has been escalating day by day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this hiking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
along with the remedies will
be elaborated
by me in this essay. To commence with the causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
issue, the
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is advent of technology and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hecticness
of guardians. To
The comma is probably missing here: "explicit, it".
explicit it
, nowadays
mostly
both mother and father go to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workplaces and
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, and
mostly
internet amenity is available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
kill their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while using electronic gadgets, either mobile phone or laptop.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
have gotten addicted to video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to which they do not give preference to playing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. As they remain sit all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are getting obese. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is burden of education. Learners spend about 6 to 7 hours a day in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
homework from their institutes, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them pay a visit to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
after coming back from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which incline their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired mentally
as well
as
physically
and become unable to perform outdoor activities.
Consequently
, they fall prey to obesity. Moving
further
towards the possible measures of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the
first
solution can be that parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cellphones and their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings can
also
be motivated
by their guardians to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by taking them into the gardens. When parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their kids then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
they will burn calories which result in weight loss. Second remedy is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it mandatory for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
any game in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. By making it compulsory, every pupil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
game and
they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
that game.
Generally
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
one lecture is of approximately 1 hour,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by playing for 1 hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity.
To conclude
, parents, internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of study are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for inclining weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by making game compulsory, and parents' quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and motivation can mitigate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in health and health care costs. Why do you think a lot of children are overweight? What can be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in health and health care costs. Why do you think a lot of children are overweight? What can be done to solve this problem?