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Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. LrGM3
There are many athletes who get signed on for multi-million dollar contracts throughout the world. Professional sports players not only play for their own countries but can also get recruited by foreign countries with higher offers. Some people say that too much money in the industry defeats the purpose of sports. In order for someone to become a successful athlete, they have to do many things. An athlete has to devote his or her life to endless practicing and faces the risk of serious injury. Compared to the amount of effort athletes put in, however, they have a very short career span. That is why I think they deserve to get paid millions of dollars. In addition, such an investment encourages people to participate in sports more by providing better conditions for athletes and audiences. More money invested in good athletes makes sports livelier, attracting many companies to sponsor different games. This will provide better stadiums and outdoor fields. As sports facilities improve, there will be more comfortable seats and better food. More money in the sports industry will also encourage young children to see their favorite athletes as role models. Money is not the best reason for young kids to envy sports stars, but it will make the sports industry more attractive. In my opinion, professional sportsmen deserve every cent they earn for all the hard work and effort they put into their short career. They are at grave risk of serious injury that might put an end to their careers. So while they are up and running, they should earn as much money as possible.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
signed on for multi-million dollar contracts throughout the world. Professional
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sports
players not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries
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but
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recruited by foreign countries with higher offers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the industry defeats the purpose of sports.

In order for someone to become a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
life to endless practicing and faces the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of serious injury. Compared to the amount of effort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
put in,
however
, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short career span.
That is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid millions of dollars.

In addition
, such an investment encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
more by providing better conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
and audiences. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
invested in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
livelier, attracting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to sponsor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games. This will provide better stadiums and outdoor fields. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, there will be more comfortable seats and better food. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry will
also
encourage young children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
as role models.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not the best reason for young kids to envy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry more attractive.

In my opinion, professional sportsmen deserve every cent they earn for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and effort they put into their short career. They are at grave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of serious injury that might put an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to their careers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
while they are up and running, they should earn as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as possible.
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IELTS essay Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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