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An idol is a person who has a big impact on your life in many ways.

An idol is a person who has a big impact on your life in many ways. Ny7NN
An idol is a person who has a big impact on your life in many ways. I consider my Dad as my idol. He is the most respectable and important person in my life. He has influenced not only my life but the life of my entire family. My Dad is working as a Regional Manager in State Bank of India. He has worked very hard in his entire life to make sure that I & all my family members have everything that we need & do not lack anything. Since childhood he has taught me and my siblings’ important values and value for money that we apply in our everyday life. He is my real life hero & pillar of my life to make me strong and keep moving. He has taught me to avoid fighting on little things. He has always taught me to sacrifice things for others and face the hardships of life with grace like I face success. I discuss my personal problems with my Dad and he always guides me how to deal with them in the best possible manner. Not only I even my friends discuss their personal issues with my Dad as he has influenced their lives too. He is patient, caring, loving and understanding. He listens to my ideas about successful life diligently and shows me ways on how to reach that point. Even in bad situations he keeps himself collected and cool and never loses his temper. My family plays an important role in my father’s life. Due to his job he is always occupied with work pressures. But then too he manages to take out time for us from his busy schedule. He is the strongest person I have ever come across. I remembered an incident which took place 2 months back when his elder brother died. He was deeply attached with him. He was in a deep pain and couldn’t stand that news. But he managed to remain strong and give support to my uncles & grandmother who were majorly affected by his death. Even I was deeply hurt by that incident as I was also attached with my uncle more than anyone else after my father. Leaving his sorrows aside Dad advised & counseled me to overcome that sad period. My father is a very good cook. Many a time he cooks for us on weekends and sometimes in week days on special occasions. He has always guided us to live a spiritual & sin free life. He will always remain my hero. He is the best father in the world and I my love and respect for him cannot be framed in words.
An idol is a person who has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. I consider my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
as my idol. He is the most respectable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
person in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He has influenced not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of my entire family.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
is working as a Regional Manager in State Bank of India. He has worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in his entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that I & all my family members have everything that we need & do not lack anything.

Since
The comma is probably missing here: "childhood, he".
childhood he
has taught me and my siblings’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
values and value for money that we apply in our everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He is my real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
hero & pillar of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me strong and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
moving.

He has taught me to avoid fighting on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
has always taught me to sacrifice things for others and face the hardships of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with grace like I face success. I discuss my personal problems with my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Dad and
he always guides me how to deal with them in the best possible manner. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I even my friends discuss their personal issues with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
as he has influenced their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
too.

He is patient, caring, loving and understanding. He listens to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
diligently
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
me ways on how to reach that point. Even in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
himself collected and cool and never loses his temper.

My family plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Due to his job he is always occupied with work pressures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
then too he manages to take out time for us from his busy schedule. He is the strongest person I have ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across.

I remembered an incident which took place 2 months back when his elder brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. He was
deeply
attached with him. He was in a deep pain and couldn’t stand that news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
he managed to remain strong and give support to my uncles & grandmother who were
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by his death.

Even I was
deeply
hurt by that incident as I was
also
attached with my uncle more than anyone else after my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. Leaving his sorrows aside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
advised & counseled me to overcome that sad period. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cook.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
a time he cooks for us on weekends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
in week days on special occasions.

He has always guided us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a spiritual & sin free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He will always remain my hero.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
in the world and I my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect for him cannot
be framed
in words.
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IELTS essay An idol is a person who has a big impact on your life in many ways.

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
446 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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