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an idea about people who have less money are friendlier

an idea about people who have less money are friendlier DoxLp
A team of social psychologists has been working on the reactions of people in cities around the world to different situations for six years. According to results, people who have less money are friendlier. Actually, I think there is a contradiction in this idea. It’s normal that they are friendlier because they are happy with what they have. The kinds of people we’re talking about are not insidious. On the other hand, you can also do a lot of things you want with money. Money makes you happy and you become a positive person. But people with money usually focus on their own business. I think with money comes greed and greedy people are selfish. They don’t pay attention to others. For example, villages are the friendliest places I have seen, if you go to a village, you’ll notice that the people who live in rural areas are more sincere and natural. I’m not saying that people in the city are reckless to strangers. In my opinion, where I live people are kind to visitors and they care of them. Most places have that. We’re nice to others, that’s human nature. But as I said, citizen’s greed affects the level of being friendly.
A team of social psychologists has been working on the reactions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities around the world to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations for six years. According to results,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are friendlier. Actually, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there is a contradiction in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It’s normal that they are friendlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are happy with what they have. The kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we’re talking about are not insidious.
On the other hand
, you can
also
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things you want with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy and you become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
usually
focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
greed and greedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are selfish. They don’t pay attention to others.
For example
, villages are the friendliest places I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, if you go to a village, you’ll notice that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural areas are more sincere and natural. I’m not saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the city are reckless to strangers. In my opinion, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are kind to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
visitors and
they care of them. Most places have that. We’re nice to others, that’s human nature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as I said, citizen’s greed affects the level of being friendly.
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IELTS essay an idea about people who have less money are friendlier

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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