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An essay on The reason why I will study Civil Engineering in Japan

An essay on The reason why I will study Civil Engineering in Japan Apbwe
I was born and grew up in a poor family, poor countryside in a developing country. Vietnam is my homeland. A place where I have witnessed its development day by day. When I was young, like many friends my age, I had a small dream that when I grew up I would become an civil engineer, contributing to the construction of my homeland and country. And until now, among my friends, I am the only one who persists in fulfilling that childhood dream. I graduated from the most prestigious construction university in Vietnam with very good results. After graduating from university, I worked in several construction corporations and completed many beauty projects for the country and contributed to the prosperous development of Vietnam. However, during my five years of working in the construction industry in Vietnam, I realized the limitations that a developing country is facing. Construction technology and construction management and planning in Vietnam are relatively backward and have many limitations. There are many things that Vietnam needs to do to learn and need help from friends all over the world. Since I was a brilliant student in university, I have been fortunate to be highly regarded by teachers and professors. So I was given many encouraging scholarships and sponsored in a student exchange program with Saitama University, Japan. Visiting Saitama university, visiting its laboratories and facilities made me absolutely impressed compared to what we have in Vietnam. The machines and equipments of the university are realy good and modern, the campus is full of trees, the students and professors in the university are very friendly and enthusiastic. From that moment I decided I would have to work hard to one day have the opportunity to study here. Besides, I also visit the areas near the university. I remember an overnight bike ride with 4 friends from Saitama University through Shibuya and back to Saitama the next morning. As well as a tour of Tokyo by subway and bus. It was a memorable journey whereby I saw the beauty of Japan, a corner of prosperity and development like your country. Your infrastructure, construction planning and engineering skills are awesome. Since then I have wished that I could learn a little bit of your development so that I could return to contribute to my country's prosperous development. I have now set a foot in my achievable dream when I was in Japan. I am one of two outstanding students of the university selected to participate in the master's joint program with Saitama university. I completed my first year in Vietnam with very good grades and passed the assessment to be accepted for the second year at Saitama university. However, due to limited economic conditions and income in a country like Vietnam cannot afford for the second year of study in Japan. Therefore, I earnestly hope that I could receive the help of the Ueda Memorial Foundation Scholarship. With your help, I was able to fulfill my unfinished dream. With good health and young energy, I look forward to receiving knowledge from Japan to be a bridge between the two countries, making my small contribution to the development of Vietnam with the help of Japan. In addition, I am also learning Japanese language in the hope of being able to exchange cultures and help promote the friendship between Vietnam and Japan better. Thank you so much
I
was born
and grew up in a poor family, poor countryside in a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Vietnam is my homeland. A place where I have witnessed its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
day by day. When I was young, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
my age, I had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
dream that when I grew up I would become
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
civil engineer, contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
of my homeland and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. And until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, among my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, I am the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who persists in fulfilling that childhood dream.

I graduated from the most prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in Vietnam with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results. After graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I worked in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
corporations and completed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beauty projects for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and contributed to the prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of Vietnam.
However
, during my five years of working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
industry in Vietnam, I realized the limitations that a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is facing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Construction
technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
management and planning in Vietnam are
relatively
backward and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
limitations. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that Vietnam needs to do to learn and need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
all over the world.

Since I was a brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I have been fortunate to be
highly
regarded by teachers and professors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
encouraging scholarships and sponsored in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
exchange program with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. Visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, visiting its laboratories and facilities made me
absolutely
impressed compared to what we have in Vietnam. The machines and equipments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
realy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and modern, the campus is full of trees, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and professors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
friendly and enthusiastic. From that moment I decided I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to one day have the opportunity to study here.
Besides
, I
also
visit the areas near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I remember an overnight bike ride with 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shibuya
and back to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
the
next
morning.
As well
as a tour of Tokyo by subway and bus. It was a memorable journey whereby I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, a corner of prosperity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
like your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Your infrastructure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
planning and engineering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are awesome. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
have wished that I could learn a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could return to contribute to my country's prosperous development.

I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
set a foot in my achievable dream when I was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. I am one of two outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
selected to participate in the master's joint program with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
completed my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in Vietnam with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grades and passed the assessment to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saitama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
However
, due to limited economic conditions and income in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Vietnam cannot afford for the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
Therefore
, I
earnestly
hope that I could receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ueda
Memorial Foundation Scholarship. With your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, I was able to fulfill my unfinished dream.

With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health and young energy, I look forward to receiving knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
to be a bridge between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, making my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of Vietnam with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
In addition
, I am
also
learning Japanese language in the hope of being able to exchange cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
promote the friendship between Vietnam and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
better. Thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
much
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IELTS essay An essay on The reason why I will study Civil Engineering in Japan

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
564 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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