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TPO 12 - Q 2Some people believe it's essential for a person's education to learn to play a musical instrument. Others don't believe music education is important. Which view do you agree with? Explain why. v.1

TPO 12 - Q 2Some people believe it's essential for a person's education to learn to play a musical instrument. Others don't believe music education is important. Which view do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1
Working conditions and laws vary considerably among nations in the world. While a few governments restrict office hours, other public administrations are more flexible. From my perspective, the restriction of hours is paramount as extensive ordinary labour hours do not reflect on financial enhancement to countries. Firstly, overtime does not boost productivity. The deduction is because human minds get tired after long time periods under pressure, reducing efficiency rate in consequence. For instance, according to a research conducted by the University of Bristol, after the sixth hour of a regular journey, roughly eighty percent of brain productiveness is lost. Furthermore, besides not working properly during the extra-hours, regular workers have a significant reduction of leisure time which may affect fully recover. Secondly, a shorter workday might force entrepreneurs to contract more employees. This would boost the national economy because instead of hiring one worker to stay for twelve hours straight, employers would have to recruit more citizens to complete equivalent assignments. Therefore, the elevated number of staff might decrease unemployed rates and inflate statistics of prospective consumers. To illustrate the positive effects, comparing Denmark and the USA, nations with two opposite data, Denmark demonstrates a most flourishing and stable economy despite having a mean working-time of thirty hours weekly. To conclude, this essay opposed to the notion that extra hours at the workplace have direct outcomes on economic growth. The real fact is that the workforce performance might not increase in the corresponding proportion of business hours; Moreover, the high concentration of jobs to few can enhance unemployment numbers.
Working conditions and laws vary
considerably
among nations in the world. While a few
governments
restrict office
hours
, other public administrations are more flexible.

From my perspective, the restriction of
hours
is paramount as extensive ordinary
labour
hours
do not reflect on financial enhancement to countries.

Firstly
, overtime does not boost productivity. The deduction is
because
human minds
get
tired after long time periods under pressure, reducing efficiency rate in consequence.
For instance
, according to
a research
conducted by the University of Bristol, after the sixth
hour
of a regular journey, roughly eighty percent of brain productiveness
is lost
.
Furthermore
,
besides
not working
properly
during the extra-hours, regular workers have a significant reduction of leisure time which may affect
fully
recover.

Secondly
, a shorter workday might force entrepreneurs to contract more employees.

This would boost the national economy
because
instead
of hiring one worker to stay for twelve
hours
straight, employers would
have to
recruit more citizens to complete equivalent assignments.

Therefore
, the elevated number of staff might decrease unemployed rates and inflate statistics of prospective consumers. To illustrate the
positive
effects, comparing Denmark and the USA, nations with two opposite data, Denmark demonstrates a most flourishing and stable economy despite having a mean working-time of thirty
hours
weekly.

To conclude
, this essay opposed to the notion that extra
hours
at the workplace have direct outcomes on economic growth. The real fact is that the workforce performance might not increase in the corresponding proportion of business
hours
;
Moreover
, the high concentration of jobs
to
few can enhance unemployment numbers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 12 - Q 2Some people believe it's essential for a person's education to learn to play a musical instrument. Others don't believe music education is important. Which view do you agree with? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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