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An ancient, traditional treatment to help reduce obesity - coconut oil - has recently been proven effective. In a study completed last year, 50 volunteers who had issues maintaining a healthy weight were fed a special diet rich in coconut oil for 2 weeks

An ancient, traditional treatment to help reduce obesity - coconut oil - has recently been proven effective. In a study completed last year, 50 volunteers who had issues maintaining a healthy weight were fed a special diet rich in coconut oil for 2 weeks xPQra
The author has mentioned a study conducted last year on 50 volunteers who were above the healthy weight. The study was to use coconut oil for their food instead of the regular cooking oil. During the study the food from outside was not allowed for the volunteers. The duration of the study was only for 2 weeks, and the author claimed that there was an average loss of 8 pounds for each volunteer. Coconut oil is known for its wide benefit but not yet proven to be a solution for obesity. Since the volunteers has cut outside food during the trial period it is unambiguously going to reduce their weight, as outside food is mostly unhealthy and rich with oils and sodium. So, by preventing them from outside food they will be forced to eat a healthy home made cooked food instead. In addition, the volunteers was constantly measuring their weight several times each day which made them more careful more when eating and it might be the eating portions and not about the food or the oil used itself. Furthermore, coconut oil is known for its strong flavour and smell so some of the volunteers might be avoiding meals containing it, therefore it could be reason of their weight loss. Moreover, the period of the trail it can't be used to prove such critical study. Two weeks is a short period of time, as well as the number of volunteers, as they are only 50 and their health background is not specified, neither their age group or the inherent problems. Phycological part also plays an important role, as if you were told that coconut oil will reduce some weight and they believed on it, it eventually will reflect on their reality. Other nutrition and physical activites were not mentioned in the claim. Nutrition itself does not reduce weight unless there was a good workout plan supporting it. Thus, it might be the case of those volunteers. To sum up, it is important to specifies all the aspects of the study to prove it correct. But that was not the case in this study. Also, it is important to account for the period of time and number of volunteers. in my opinion the main reason for the weight lost is cutting the outside food and not the coconut oil.
The author has mentioned a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
conducted last year on 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
who were above the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
coconut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of the regular cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
. The duration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for 2 weeks, and the author claimed that there was an average loss of
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
8 pounds
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
. Coconut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
is known
for its wide benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
yet
proven to be a solution for obesity.

Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
during the trial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
it is
unambiguously
going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
mostly
unhealthy and rich with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oils
and sodium.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by preventing them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they will
be forced
to eat a healthy home made cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
was
constantly
measuring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
several times each day which made them more careful more when eating and it might be the eating portions and not about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
itself.
Furthermore
, coconut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
is known
for its strong
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
and smell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
might be avoiding meals containing it,
therefore
it could be reason of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
loss.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of the trail it can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prove such critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Two weeks is a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of time,
as well
as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
, as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50 and their health background is not specified, neither their age group or the inherent problems.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phycological
part
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role, as if you were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that coconut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weight and
they believed on it, it
eventually
will reflect on their reality. Other nutrition and physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
were not mentioned in the claim. Nutrition itself does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
unless there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
workout plan supporting it.
Thus
, it might be the case of those volunteers.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to specifies all the aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to prove it correct.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that was not the case in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to account for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of time and number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion the main reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
lost is cutting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and not the coconut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
.
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IELTS essay An ancient, traditional treatment to help reduce obesity - coconut oil - has recently been proven effective. In a study completed last year, 50 volunteers who had issues maintaining a healthy weight were fed a special diet rich in coconut oil for 2 weeks

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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