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An alarming deficiency of basic life skills among high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree

An alarming deficiency of basic life skills among high school students. dlE8r
Some people believed that an increasing number of high students are likely to lack social life skills. I completely agree with this point of view. The first reason for this is because high schools tend to teach knowledge and orientation but have not cared and focused on training life skills. Students who study in high school, are virtually want to study at university. The condition to be able to study at university is that students can overcome an academic test with a high score. Moreover, the entrance to university test involves theoretical knowledge and is unrealistic. Therefore, to meet the students' requirements, high schools focus on teaching how to get a high mark and do have practical skills lessons. As a result, practicing life skills is an action that students are not interested in. In addition to the reason above, I also believe that family is also a factor leading to the deficiency of life skills. Families are not often appreciated to educate basic skill life for children because they think studying is the most important and social skill is unnecessary. Furthermore, With the habit of taking care of their children in an environment without challenges causes students to lack opportunities to experience, explore, form, and improve life skills. For example, a recent survey shows that 75% of high school students do not know how to cook a meal by themselves. As a result, high school students are grown up but they can not live independently and this causes a detrimental impact on their future. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe there are many high schools students who lack social life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are likely to lack social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

The
first
reason for this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
tend to teach knowledge and orientation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have not cared and focused on training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, are
virtually
Consider using a past participle here: "wanted".
want
to study at university. The condition to be able to study at university is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can overcome an academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
score.
Moreover
, the entrance to university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
involves theoretical knowledge and is unrealistic.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the students' requirements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
focus on teaching how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
mark and do have practical
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skills
lessons.
As a result
, practicing
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life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is an action that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not interested in.

In addition
to the reason above, I
also
believe that family is
also
a factor leading to the deficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Families are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
The verb 'appreciated' is used with the gerund form: "appreciated educating".
appreciated to educate
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
studying is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and social
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skill
is unnecessary.
Furthermore
, With the habit of taking care of their children in an environment without challenges causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to lack opportunities to experience, explore, form, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not know how to cook a meal by themselves.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are grown
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
and this causes a detrimental impact on their future.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who lack social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay An alarming deficiency of basic life skills among high school students.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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