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Among the following three types of work, which would you enjoy doing the most? Helping children with communication problems, doing community work, growing plants in the garden. v.1

Among the following three types of work, which would you enjoy doing the most? Helping children with communication problems, doing community work, growing plants in the garden. v. 1
In the present world, the usage of technology is constantly on the rise. Even classrooms are among the many places that enjoy the usage and benefits of automation. It is disagreed that classroom teachers will be totally substituted for machinery. Analysing the incapability of disciplining study room students with technology, as well as the limitation in the learning process of students taught with machinery will prove our views. In the first view, a robotic teacher made with artificial intelligence would lack sufficient control over its study hall students. Namely, it is widely known that kids need to be thoroughly watched by their teachers to be sure that they take their class works seriously and do not fool around when classes are going on. Sadly, for the above mentioned task robotic teachers will be incapable of carrying out. Then, it makes it clear that debate room teachers will never be totally substituted for computers. In another point, the learning process of students would be disrupted if they are taught by robotic teachers, which may slow down some students’ ability to comprehend information taught in lessons. For example, kids love to be motivated before lessons are taught effectively. This is a quality that many human teachers have but robotic teachers do not have. Therefore, it becomes apparent that human teachers will never be replaced with robotic teachers in a lecture room. To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Thus, it is clear that the idea of running a study hall completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over machinery-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
In the present world, the usage of technology is
constantly
on the rise. Even classrooms are among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places that enjoy the usage and benefits of automation. It
is disagreed
that classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will be
totally
substituted for machinery.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the incapability of disciplining study room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with technology,
as well
as the limitation in the learning process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taught with machinery will prove our views.

In the
first
view, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
made with artificial intelligence would lack sufficient control over its study hall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Namely
, it is
widely
known that kids need to be
thoroughly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to be sure that they take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
works
seriously
and do not fool around when classes are going on.
Sadly
, for the above mentioned task
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will be incapable of carrying out. Then, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that debate room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will never be
totally
substituted for computers.

In another point, the learning process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
be disrupted
if they
are taught
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, which may slow down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
ability to comprehend information taught in lessons.
For example
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
be motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
lessons
are taught
effectively
. This is a quality that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not have.
Therefore
, it becomes apparent that human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will never
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in a lecture room.

To summarize
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
does not have the necessary disciple to
properly
give instructions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and actually works to retard the ability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to comprehend new lessons.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of running a study hall completely by a machine cannot
be supported
. After thorough analysis on this subject, it
is predicted
that the adverse effects of the debate over machinery-driven teaching will always be greater than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, and
because of this
, classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will never
be substituted
for technology.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Among the following three types of work, which would you enjoy doing the most? Helping children with communication problems, doing community work, growing plants in the garden. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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