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Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle? m8Y78
In recently, most of people have enough facilities to improve their activeness, but they are less active to compare to the early days. So they have to face several health issues, but they can improve their heath if they think about it. So in this essay, I will discuss about what kinds of health issues we get due to present lifestyles and what we can do to improve our healthy active life. Nowadays, many people are becoming lazy and isolate with modern technological life. So as a result of inactive machinery lifestyles, they have to face several health issues, for an example most of them have a back pain. Because they are sitting long time in front of the computer or may be a table, they are not taking time to be relaxed. And another impact due to isolate life they get headache and stressful mindset, so this will make them angrier. Most importantly, sometimes may be people get more serious diseases such as heart disease and cancer. In order to become more active, if you think there are several ways which we can improve our active lifestyles. Firstly, we can do daily exercise. You can attend a gym or running sometime on the roads in the morning. Nowadays there are a number of gyms and free sports facilities in each town. If you can't attend to the gym or any physical places to do exercise you can just try for in-door activities inside your home. Secondly, if you have some time you can join a sport club, then you can attend some sports events like running races, matches etc. In conclusion, even though the modern lifestyles become easy, there are a number of negative impacts due to this. But persons can boost their healthy life more actively if they think about the impact of inactive life.
In recently, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their activeness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
to compare to the early days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face several health issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their heath if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss what"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about what
kinds of health issues we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
due to present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
and what we can do to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
life.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming lazy and isolate with modern technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as a result
of inactive machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face several health issues, for an example most of them have a back pain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they are sitting long time in front of the computer or may be a table, they are not taking time to
be relaxed
. And another impact due to isolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
headache and stressful mindset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them angrier. Most
importantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more serious

diseases such as heart disease and cancer.

In order to become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are several ways which we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
.
Firstly
, we can do daily exercise. You can attend a gym or running sometime on the roads in the morning. Nowadays there are a number of gyms and free sports facilities in each town. If you can't attend to the gym or any physical places to do exercise you can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
try for in-door activities inside your home.
Secondly
, if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a sport club, then you can attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like running races, matches etc.

In conclusion
,
even though
the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
become easy, there are a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts due to this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
persons can boost their healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
actively
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the impact of inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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