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Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.18

Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 18
In the present situation where many people read news online, it has been a debatable issue whether newspapers will survive as the most essential source of news or not. I totally disagree with the opinion because traditional newspapers lead to a waste of the woods and people do not trust them because of its corruption. The main reason why I believe that newspapers will be useless is that publishing daily newspapers is wasting valuable forests. The environmental issue is increasingly serious nowadays; for example, the deforestation of vast rain forests in the Amazon, which can convert CO2 to oxygen, so they have contributed to global warming by converting less CO2 back to oxygen, has led to the increase of carbon dioxide emission, and it also led to a rise of sea level, and the drought in East Asia. Therefore, many people have started to perceive the importance of preserving the earth in a clean and safe state, and besides look for alternatives for the printed media. Another reason why I support the notion that newspapers will disappear is that they have been used as an effective tool by people with power and money throughout history. In particular, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases spreading around, the conventional media, especially newspapers, has been manipulated by governments. Consequently, people prefer to depend on SNS or the Internet, such as Twitter and YouTube in recent days. In conclusion, I contend that the printed media will lose its influence in the future because the environmental issue is a worldwide trend and people are unlikely to believe newspapers due to their corruption. Given this situation, it seems that people should have a keen sight to differentiate true from false when they get new information from any source.
In the present situation where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
read news online, it has been a debatable issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will survive as the most essential source of news or not. I
totally
disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
lead to a waste of the woods and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not trust them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its corruption.

The main reason why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will be useless is that publishing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
is wasting valuable forests. The environmental issue is
increasingly
serious nowadays;
for example
, the deforestation of vast rain forests in the Amazon, which can convert CO2 to oxygen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have contributed to global warming by converting less CO2 back to oxygen, has led to the increase of carbon dioxide emission, and it
also
led to a rise of sea level, and the drought in East Asia.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to perceive the importance of preserving the earth in a clean and safe state, and
besides
look for alternatives for the printed media.

Another reason why I support the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will disappear is that they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an effective tool by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with power and money throughout history.
In particular
, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases spreading around, the conventional media,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
, has
been manipulated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to depend on SNS or the Internet, such as Twitter and YouTube in recent days.

In conclusion
, I contend that the printed media will lose its influence in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the environmental issue is a worldwide trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unlikely to believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
due to their corruption.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a keen sight to differentiate true from false when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new information from any source.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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