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Although many people value their public parks this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies To what extent do you agree or disagree with this v.7

Although many people value their public parks this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies with this v. 7
It is argued that exploiting public parks for economical advancement and accommodation is more fruitful rather than keeping empty for people. To a certain extent, I disagree with the idea of repurposing the public parks. However, I also think that these spaces can be useful for housing and developing business in a society. Public parks can be both operational and economical. It has ample spaces, which could offer housings for the rising population in a community. For example, in Bangladesh, there are many public spaces in Dhaka city are occupied with apartment complex to meet the rising demographic demand. In addition, these places can utilize on developing business such as shopping complex to trigger the economical growth. This commercial use could open many job opportunities and resolve unemployment issue. This means that it might be another source of tax for the government budget. Therefore, replacing public parks with residential areas and business can bring the quality of living and economical developments of a country. However, I would argue that public parks should not be emerged for the above functions. Public parks can ensure the healthy living of a community. It allows elder people to carry out different activities which are rejuvenating after a day’s hard work. It also helps us to live near the nature, and children can play games and sports which might keep them active and energetic. A recent BBC documentary shows that in Japan, visiting Park for 15minutes in a day can improve the human body immune system which is preventive for depression. Thus, parks have greater value to keep fit our physical and mental well being. In conclusion, it seems that keeping public parks is more significant rather than utilising for business and housing of a country.
It
is argued
that exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economical
advancement and accommodation is more fruitful
rather
than keeping empty for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To a certain extent, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of repurposing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these spaces can be useful for housing and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in a society.

Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can be both operational and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economical
. It has ample spaces, which could offer housings for the rising population in a community.
For example
, in Bangladesh, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spaces in Dhaka city
are occupied
with apartment complex to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the rising demographic demand.
In addition
, these places can utilize on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
such as shopping complex to trigger the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth. This commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
could open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities and resolve unemployment issue. This means that it might be another source of tax for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget.
Therefore
, replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
with residential areas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can bring the quality of living and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
developments of a country.

However
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
should not
be emerged
for the above functions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can ensure the healthy living of a community. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities which are rejuvenating after a day’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near the nature, and children can play games and sports which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them active and energetic. A recent BBC documentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Japan, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
for 15minutes in a day can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the human body immune system which is preventive for depression.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
have greater value to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit our physical and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

In conclusion
, it seems that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
is more significant
rather
than
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilise' and 'utilize') within a single text.
utilising
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and housing of a country.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Although many people value their public parks this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies with this v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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