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All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some believe that schools should be focused on teaching skills, while others point out that learning variety of subjects has great advantages for student's future prospects. In my opinion, teaching different subjects would be first priority of the education, because it can be reduced the unemployment of the society. On the one hand, studying the various subjects would lead to many benefits. Firstly, students become a very knowledgeable; it helps children to develop intellectual personality along with them. Consequently, if they have a problem they will solve multiple angles; it turns them perform better academically as well as in their practical lives. Secondly, when a child is exposed to multiple subjects in school would be more likely to get better profession in future. As a result, this will shape them to be well-balanced and rounded individuals who are ready to take on the challenging job markets. Lastly, studying the different of subjects would leads to the decrease the unemployment of the society; it may help to the economic growth and stability of the country. Thus, the schools need to emphasize on a varied curriculum is worth to students future aspirations. On the other hand, it is considered by some that schools should focus on teaching children skills. Non- academic skills are more crucial for an overall developments of a child. In other words, they require to learn how to co-operate with others. Since, we do not live, work or socialize in isolation, these skills will help them suceed in school and later in life, when they will be part of a team environment. For instance, learning to communicate effectively with others and to resolve conflicts and confrontations are skills that will stand them in good stead in their future. In conclusion, parents desire the best for their children, and schools can play significant role towards it. In my opinion, the ideal way to ensure a child’s future is by having a curriculum that focuses on a broad range of subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be focused
on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, while others point out that learning variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has great advantages for student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
prospects. In my opinion, teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would be
first
priority of the education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the unemployment of the society.

On the one hand, studying the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Firstly
, students become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
knowledgeable; it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children to develop intellectual personality along with them.
Consequently
, if they have a problem they will solve multiple angles; it turns them perform better
academically
as well
as in their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, when a child
is exposed
to multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would be more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better profession in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
As a result
, this will shape them to be well-balanced and rounded individuals who are ready to take on the challenging job markets.
Lastly
, studying the
The phrase ‘the different of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘the’ and ‘of’.
different
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would
The modal verb ‘would’ requires the verb’s base form.
leads
to the decrease the unemployment of the society; it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the economic growth and stability of the country.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to emphasize on a varied curriculum is worth to students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
aspirations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should focus on teaching children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Non- academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are more crucial for an
overall
developments of a child. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they require
Did you mean “learning”? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, ‘require’ + ‘to’ takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
how to co-operate with others. Since, we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, work or socialize in isolation, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
Possible spelling mistake found.
suceed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and later in life, when they will be part of a team environment.
For instance
, learning to communicate
effectively
with others and to resolve conflicts and confrontations are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that will stand them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead in their future.

In conclusion
, parents desire the best for their children, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can play significant role towards it. In my opinion, the ideal way to ensure a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is by having a curriculum that focuses on a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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IELTS essay All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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