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All over the world,societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What are the reasons and how it could be tackled?

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What are the reasons and how it could be tackled? bQwPg
Over the last few years, people were stacked to balanced died and healthy lifestyle. However, nowadays, the majority of population are suffering from the fatness and being overweight. As a result, humans will have health consequences and lazy life-being but that can be tackled by providing with limit calories and some body workouts. The main cause of the problem faced by obesity is consumption high calories food, with a lot of adverse components. In other words, some unhealthy food can include negative ingredients, suck as sugar or cholesterol, which producing immense amount of fat in human's body. According to the World Health Organization, 80% of people became fat only because of eating junk food in enormous portion, thus, they have a habit to consume it much frequently. One effective solution to deal with fatness is provide people with balance diet to increase consumption of fruit or vegetables and reduce their intake of sugars. Therefore, the percent of fat humans will decline and people will avoid food with negative consequences. Another cause of the problem is unwilling to be active and work because of being out of condition. That is to say that sedentary lifestyle can dramatically effect on person's body by always sitting at the same room and rarely going out. For example, the number of nation prefer to stay at home and lay rather than leave a room, substantially, their weight not only can be the came but also will grow. To tackle this issue, humans should have a dynamic lifestyle by doing strenuous exercise, brist walk or working out in the gym in order to burn calories and keep body in a good shape. To sum up, societies are facing with obesity due to the fast food with a plethora of lipids and sitting way of life. This is a serious problem that why humans should have an adequate diet and energetic life with permanent movement.
Over the last few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were stacked
to balanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and healthy lifestyle.
However
, nowadays, the majority of population are suffering from the fatness and being overweight.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will have health consequences and lazy life-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that can
be tackled
by providing with limit calories and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
workouts.

The main cause of the problem faced by obesity is consumption high
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "calories'" or "calorie's", "calory's"?
calories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
adverse components.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ingredients, suck as sugar or cholesterol, which producing immense amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. According to the World Health Organization, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in enormous portion,
thus
, they have a habit to consume it much
frequently
. One effective solution to deal with fatness is provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with balance diet to increase consumption of fruit or vegetables and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their intake of sugars.
Therefore
, the percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will decline and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.

Another cause of the problem is unwilling to be active and work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being out of condition.
That is
to say that sedentary lifestyle can
dramatically
effect on person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
by always sitting at the same room and rarely going out.
For example
, the number of nation prefer to stay at home and lay
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a room,
substantially
, their weight not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can be the came
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will grow. To tackle this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should have a dynamic lifestyle by doing strenuous exercise,
Possible spelling mistake found.
brist
walk or working out in the gym in order to burn calories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape.

To sum up, societies are facing with obesity due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with a plethora of lipids and sitting way of life. This is a serious problem that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should have an adequate diet and energetic life with permanent movement.
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IELTS essay All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What are the reasons and how it could be tackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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