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All fathers should be entitled to have time off after their child is born. Do you agree or disagree?

All fathers should be entitled to have time off after their child is born. RNwb8
In this age of change, many organizations have established a new rule that if mothers deliver birth, fathers have permission to take a few days or weeks at home for taking care of their child. In my point of view, this is a meaningful idea. Therefore, I will provide several reasons why I completely agree in the following paragraphs. Paternity leave is essential for mothers as well as fathers for several reasons. First of all, if companies do not allow fathers to have some days off when mothers deliver a child, fathers can not concrenatate on their tasks which lead to work unproductively. This is becuase it is similar with mothers, fathers may also experience a lot of anxiety and stress in the days prior and immediately after the birth of their child. With several days off, fathers may find it easy to cope with the situation and work effectively. Besides, as a father, their responsibility is to support mothers and children. Due to during and after giving birth, mothers seem to be weak and painful, it is crucial to have a family member particularly husbands that are side by side in order to give a hand and have spiritual encouragement. Another reason for allowing a husband to have paternity leave is that dad may get an enriching experience in giving birth. In other words, these individuals are aware of how women have been through to deliver a baby and how having experienced a little child in first-hand. As a result, husbands will have more respectgul and thoughtfulness for women. In conclusion, it is reasonable that all fathers should be entitled to paternity leave. This is because taking care of children is the responsibility of both fathers and mothers, and it also helps fathers gain experience in giving birth and reduce stress.
In this age of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations have established a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that if mothers deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
have permission to take a few days or weeks at home for taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. In my point of view, this is a meaningful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Therefore
, I will provide several reasons why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
in the following paragraphs.

Paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
is essential for mothers
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
for several reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days off when mothers deliver a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
can not
Possible spelling mistake found.
concrenatate
on their tasks which lead to work
unproductively
. This is
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
it is similar with mothers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
may
also
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the days prior and immediately after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. With several days off,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
may find it easy to cope with the situation and work
effectively
.
Besides
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
, their responsibility is to support mothers and children. Due to during and after giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
, mothers seem to be weak and painful, it is crucial to have a family member
particularly
husbands that are side by side in order to give a hand and have spiritual encouragement.

Another reason for allowing a husband to have paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
is that dad may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an enriching experience in giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
.
In other words
, these individuals are aware of how women have been through to deliver a baby and how having experienced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in
first
-hand.
As a result
, husbands will have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
respectgul
and thoughtfulness for women.

In conclusion
, it is reasonable that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
should
be entitled
to paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking care of children is the responsibility of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and mothers, and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
gain experience in giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

IELTS essay All fathers should be entitled to have time off after their child is born.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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