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Many animal species in the world are become extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human being. Discuss both the view and giv v.1

Many animal species in the world are become extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human being. 1
We live in a world of fierce competition. This sense of competition comes from our comparative thinking, which never leads us towards satisfaction. From childhood, children must learn to find a better life principle and let him grow naturally in their own unique way. There are some effective conveniences in student life, they take up learning instead of wasting time by playing, walking and chatting. First, spending time and educational activities is an important trend because students can use this habit to increase their knowledge. This can bring great benefits to students whenever they face future life. Second, in some countries, it is difficult to be admitted to universities without good academic performance. Therefore, students who want to be part of higher education in these countries need to learn at any time. For example, many countries like China have a large number of students, but they have few good universities. As can be seen from the above explanation, children should make proper use of their time. While studying, it is the mind that learns, but it is the body which rejoices in physical leisure activities. Learning is always a progressive activity and must be instilled; otherwise, the child is easily exhausted and leads to loss of interest in learning. In addition, the hobby provides confidence to the children and provides a sense of personal accomplishment, which enhances self-esteem. They got some curiosity to get more information. If children get positive feedback from their skills, they are less likely to turn to drug and alcohol. In summary, extracurricular activities should be combined with academic activities to cultivate trained talents. Children should be allowed to participate in extracurricular activities to vent their suppressed emotions. As well as participating in outdoor activities, regular exercise can prevent obesity and ensure body growth.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world of fierce competition. This sense of competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from our comparative thinking, which never leads us towards satisfaction. From childhood,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to find a better life principle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him grow
naturally
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique way.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective conveniences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life, they take up learning
instead
of wasting time by playing, walking and chatting.
First
, spending time and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this habit to increase their knowledge. This can bring great benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whenever they face future life. Second, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, it is difficult to
be admitted
to universities without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic performance.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to be part of higher education in these countries need to learn at any time.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries like China have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
universities. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the above explanation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their time.

While studying, it is the mind that learns,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the body which rejoices in physical leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Learning is always a progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be instilled
;
otherwise
, the child is
easily
exhausted and leads to loss of interest in learning.
In addition
, the hobby provides confidence to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and provides a sense of personal accomplishment, which enhances self-esteem. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
curiosity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they are less likely to turn to drug and alcohol.

In summary, extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be combined
with academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to cultivate trained talents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to vent their suppressed emotions.
As well
as participating in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, regular exercise can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity and ensure body growth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many animal species in the world are become extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human being. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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