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Agree or disagree: The government should emphasize international cooperation rather than national interest in foreign policy.

Agree or disagree: The government should emphasize international cooperation rather than national interest in foreign policy. 2rkeb
It is a highly controversial issue whether or not the government should emphasize international cooperation rather than national interest in foreign policy. Personally, I believe the government should focus on international cooperation rather than national interest for the following three reasons. Firstly, it will help solve global problems. I think if the government put international cooperation before national interest in foreign policy, we can develop a sense of unity with other countries, which will contribute to solving global problems like environmental problems. Secondly, it will lead to maintaining global peace and stability. There are many people at the risk of being killed in wars. If the government actively tries to alleviate the effects of the wars to save innocent people suffering from them, it will help maintain global peace and achieve world peace. Thirdly, Japan can build a good relationship with other countries. If Japan helps other countries in trouble, they will appreciate Japan, therefore Japan can develop a good relationship with those countries. I think it is beneficial for our country because those countries will help us if we're in trouble. In conclusion, for the above-mentioned three reasons, I strongly believe we should emphasize international cooperation rather than national interest in foreign policy.
It is a
highly
controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should emphasize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in foreign policy.
Personally
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
for the following three reasons.
Firstly
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
problems. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in foreign policy, we can develop a sense of unity with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which will contribute to solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
problems like environmental problems.
Secondly
, it will lead to maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
peace and stability. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being killed
in wars. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
actively
tries to alleviate the effects of the wars to save innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from them, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
peace and achieve world peace.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
can build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in trouble, they will appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
can develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us if we're in trouble.
In conclusion
, for the above-mentioned three reasons, I
strongly
believe we should emphasize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in foreign policy.
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IELTS essay Agree or disagree: The government should emphasize international cooperation rather than national interest in foreign policy.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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