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Agree or disagree playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v.1

Agree or disagree playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v. 1
It is true that today a growing number of people support a trend towards purchasing well-known branded items for a reason of reputation and quality. In my opinion, this development could be detrimental for non-brand companies as well as for customers. The major reason to wish to buy things made by popular brand is a special status person might guess they obtain. In other words, it is believed by some people that they could be appreciated better by surroundings if they boasted with some luxurious possessions, showing the high living standards in this way. Another point to consider is the assumed best quality of things selling by brand companies. To illustrate, the famous car manufacturer Tesla is proven to have the highest safety rating among electro cars, which significantly contributes to people’s desire of purchasing this product despite a high price. The modern trend of prioritizing prominent brands may have serious drawbacks for local economic and for customers’ outlays as well. If it were not for world brands, people would more frequently purchase items which have been produced by tiny local companies. Thus, it would facilitate the local business growing instead of promoting the huge international corporations. In addition, many brands often manipulate consumers by overcharging their items because of the logo on them. Since these companies have been spending money on marketing strategies and advertisements, these expenditures make prices unfair high as compared to smaller companies releasing the same kinds of products. In conclusion, I believe the tendency of purchasing items of famous brands, which many people favour due to assumed perfect quality of goods and superior status it gives, may have negative consequences in the long run.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support a trend towards purchasing well-known branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
for a reason of reputation and quality. In my opinion, this development could be detrimental for non-brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
as well
as for customers.

The major reason to wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things made by popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
is a special status person might guess they obtain.
In other words
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they could
be appreciated
better by surroundings if they boasted with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
luxurious possessions, showing the high living standards in this way. Another point to consider is the assumed best quality of things selling by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. To illustrate, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
car manufacturer Tesla
is proven
to have the highest safety rating among
Possible spelling mistake found.
electro
cars, which
significantly
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desire of purchasing this product despite a high price.

The modern trend of prioritizing prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
may have serious drawbacks for local economic and for customers’ outlays
as well
. If it were not for world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would more
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
which have
been produced
by tiny local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Thus
, it would facilitate the local business growing
instead
of promoting the huge international corporations.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
manipulate consumers by overcharging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the logo on them. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have been spending money on marketing strategies and advertisements, these expenditures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
prices unfair high as compared to smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
releasing the same kinds of products.

In conclusion
, I believe the tendency of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
due to assumed perfect quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and superior status it gives, may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in the long run.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Agree or disagree playing computer games is a waste of time Children should not be allowed to play them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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