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Agree/diagree? people learn things better from those at their own level-such as fellow student or coworkers- than fram those at a higher level such as teacher or supervisors. v.1

Agree/diagree? people learn things better from those at their own level-such as fellow student or coworkers- than fram those at a higher level such as teacher or supervisors. v. 1
It is irrefutable that cinematic products nowadays are filled with bloodshed scenes, leading to elevated brutality amongst citizens. This essay agrees that the authorities should impose censorship on such movies and TV programmes to limit crime rates. It will analyse what detrimental impacts these products have on children’s mentality and how they lead people into imitating violent criminals. Firstly, the government should censor brutal scenes delivered by the media because they may have disturbing effects on children. Kids and adolescence are impressionable viewers as their personalities and perception about their surroundings are easily shaped by what they see on TV. If the movies they watch are full of killing and shooting scenes, they would view the real world as violent as it is in fictional cinematic products. Consequently, these children would act more aggressive towards their family, peers, and other members in the society. For example, a study in 2018 points out that 60% of children having watched violent films regularly would solve problems they are facing with fist and fights, which potentially turn them into violent criminals in the future. Another reason for duration of bloodshed scenes in movies and TV programmes to be reduced is that these scenes would encourage people to imitate brutal acts on the screen because the criminals on TV always end up being rich and loved by many people. Therefore, viewers would consider successfully committing violence is glamour and this brings them a sense of achievement. For instance, in a survey, a majority of people who love brutal scenes claimed that domestic violence was something minor and those who committed these crimes should be proud of what they did. This mentality, influenced by over-exposing to violent scenes, mostly contributes to increasing violent crimes in the society. In conclusion, it is clear that brutal films and TV programmes would potentially have negative impacts on children’s minds and people’s behaviour. Therefore, this essay agrees that the government should impose stringent censorship of violent films and TV programmes to alleviate violent crimes.
It is irrefutable that cinematic products nowadays
are filled
with bloodshed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
, leading to elevated brutality amongst citizens. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the authorities should impose censorship on such movies and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates. It will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
what detrimental impacts these products have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mentality and how they lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into imitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
criminals.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should censor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
delivered by the media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may have disturbing effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Kids and adolescence are impressionable viewers as their personalities and perception about their surroundings are
easily
shaped by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on TV. If the movies they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
are full of killing and shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
, they would view the real world as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
as it is in fictional cinematic products.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would act more aggressive towards their family, peers, and other members in the society.
For example
, a study in 2018 points out that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films
regularly
would solve problems they are facing with fist and fights, which
potentially
turn them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
criminals in the future.

Another reason for duration of bloodshed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
in movies and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to imitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brutal
acts on the screen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the criminals on TV always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being rich and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, viewers would consider
successfully
committing violence is glamour and this brings them a sense of achievement.
For instance
, in a survey, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
claimed that domestic violence was something minor and those who committed these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should be proud of what they did. This mentality, influenced by over-exposing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenes
,
mostly
contributes to increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the society.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brutal
films and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
would
potentially
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
minds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose stringent censorship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films and TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Agree/diagree? people learn things better from those at their own level-such as fellow student or coworkers- than fram those at a higher level such as teacher or supervisors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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