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After completing high school, students should take at least a year off to work or travel before they begin studying at a university

After completing high school, students should take at least a year off to work or travel before they begin studying at a university q11Ep
Students are provided with two choices, which are go to university immediately after graduating or take a year off to travel or work. There has been a controversy over whether or not which of these two ways would be beneficial for them. While some people believe that it is better for them if they enter to a university without a year off, I subscribe to the view that the advantages of taking one year off after high school outweigh the advantages of first choice. I substantiate this belief by providing two compelling reasons that will be explained in the following paragraphs. Firstly, it is worth bearing in mind that they will be able to take their future job wisely. Traveling or working provides a golden opportunity for students to gain some valuable experiences and necessary skills. Besides, during their working or travelling they recognize their abilities and weaknesses, which makes it possible for them to apply for job that suitably suits their abilities. In addition, since several applicants apply for a particular job position, the one, who have strong resume will be capable of taking that job. In this case, they can take a job easily due to their skills and knowledge. As an example, during a travel or work, people’s communication skills improve significantly because they come into contact with various people with dissimilar personality, and learn appropriate means of communication. Because this characteristic is vitally essential for a job, almost all of the managers look for a person, who have this attributes. Furthermore, students devote a great deal of their time during their life to studying at school that makes them seriously tired and bored. Therefore, at least a year off makes it possible for them to take a break and become fresh. However, if they entered to a university immediately after high school, they would not be successful in their studying because they were tired of studying. So, experiencing a new situation would be greatly helpful to them. To further illustrate this issue, consider my own experience, that I went to university immediately after graduation from high school. Because I studied for twelve years before, I were tired, and after entering to the university, I did not have enough impetus to study my lesson, which ended in obtaining poor scores in a first semester. In conclusion, based on the above-mentioned reasons, I firmly believe that having a year off before going to a university would be considerably beneficial for students, because not only do they are able to find their future job properly, but also it exerts a positive influence on their morale.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are provided
with two choices, which are
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after graduating or take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
to travel or work. There has been a controversy over
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
which of these two ways would be beneficial for them. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is better for them if they enter to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
, I subscribe to the view that the advantages of taking one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outweigh the advantages of
first
choice. I substantiate this belief by providing two compelling reasons that will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, it is worth bearing in mind that they will be able to take their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
wisely
. Traveling or working provides a golden opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable experiences and necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Besides
, during their working or travelling they recognize their abilities and weaknesses, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for them to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
suitably
suits their abilities.
In addition
, since several applicants apply for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position, the one, who have strong resume will be capable of taking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In this case
, they can take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge. As an example, during a travel or work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into contact with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with dissimilar personality, and learn appropriate means of communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this characteristic is
vitally
essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
managers look for a person, who have this attributes.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
devote a great deal of their time during their life to studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
seriously
tired and bored.
Therefore
, at least a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for them to take a break and become fresh.
However
, if they entered to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they would not be successful in their studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were tired
of studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, experiencing a new situation would be
greatly
helpful to them. To
further
illustrate this issue, consider my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, that I went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after graduation from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I studied for twelve years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I
Did you mean "was"?
were
tired, and after entering to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
impetus to study my lesson, which ended in obtaining poor scores in a
first
semester.

In conclusion
, based on the above-mentioned reasons, I
firmly
believe that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would be
considerably
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they are able to find their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
properly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it exerts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on their morale.
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IELTS essay After completing high school, students should take at least a year off to work or travel before they begin studying at a university

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
436 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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