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"Advertisements of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children’s physical and mental development, and, at the same time, cause loss of time and money of parents."

"Advertisements of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children’s physical and mental development, and, at the same time, cause loss of time and money of parents. " VLG7
Today’s TV is full of commercials both for adults and children. These adverts are supposed to attract people’s attention toward the target product. It’s certain that they work, but, perhaps, they work a little too much on the younger viewers. I believe toy and fast food adverts profusely affect the overall development of young ones, and, also, harm parents in many ways. It is known that children are not matured enough to always distinguish fiction from reality, especially when the imaginary images are so colourful and vividly projected like it is done in today’s media. It has been noticed and identified that fast food adverts are making today’s children more and more inclined to adopting low-nutritional value snacks as main food items. As result, their health has been deteriorating over all. Toy commercials, on the other hand, affect the children on a more subtle ground. While it is acceptable that young ones play with toys for intellectual development and for indulging into the colourful world of imagination, it is undeniable that the over-blown adverts tend to fuse reality and fiction. As a result, in the real world, when actual challenges of society and academia are to be dealt with, children may lack rational responsibility. This is of course solely the effect of toy commercials. Also, it must not be forgotten that deserting the play ground for the playpen will and does have dire consequences on the children physiological growth. With children not being parallel to the established line of development, parents have to pay for their disarraying. Because of the negative effect of toy and fast food advertisements, parents lose substantial amounts of money simply buying objects and food items of no concrete or nutritional value. Less obviously, because of being lesser healthy, children these days have higher possibility of falling ill, which is a matter of massive expenses, of money, time and serenity. To conclude, it must be said that while commercials of toys and fast foods cannot be stopped, they must be properly graded for ensuring harmlessness to our children and their parents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s TV is full of commercials both for adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These adverts
are supposed
to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s attention toward the target product. It’s certain that they work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, perhaps, they work a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
too much on the younger viewers. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
adverts
profusely
affect the
overall
development of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, and,
also
, harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

It
is known
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to always distinguish fiction from reality,
especially
when the imaginary images are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and
vividly
projected like it
is done
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s media. It has
been noticed
and identified that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
adverts are making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more and more inclined to adopting low-nutritional value snacks as main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. As result, their health has been deteriorating over all.

Toy commercials,
on the other hand
, affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on a more subtle ground. While it is acceptable that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for intellectual development and for indulging into the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
world of imagination, it is undeniable that the over-blown adverts tend to fuse reality and fiction.
As a result
, in the real world, when actual challenges of society and academia are to
be dealt
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lack rational responsibility. This is
of course
solely
the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
commercials.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be forgotten
that deserting the play ground for the playpen will and does have dire consequences on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physiological growth.

With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not being parallel to the established line of development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for their disarraying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
advertisements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
lose substantial amounts of money
simply
buying objects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items of no concrete or nutritional value. Less
obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being lesser healthy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days have higher possibility of falling ill, which is a matter of massive expenses, of money, time and serenity.

To conclude
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that while commercials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
properly
graded for ensuring harmlessness to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay "Advertisements of toys and fast foods are obstacles to children’s physical and mental development, and, at the same time, cause loss of time and money of parents. "

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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