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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? 9JR7
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. I highly disagree with this statement because as a physician, I have seen the standard of health of patients increase as the years go on. First of all, legislation has made it possible to have a higher standard of health for most people. For example, in the Philippines, smoking in public places has been curbed in the past five years due to laws that ban smoking inside restaurants, clubs, and other business establishments. This has increased the standard of health for most Filipinos because it eliminated the possibility of second hand smoke, which has been found to be detrimental to lung health. This is a contrast to the decades before, when smoking was allowed anywhere and everywhere. By having the anti-smoking law in place, a higher standard of health was created. Second of all, technology has increased the standard of health because there are now machines that can give patients a chance at a longer life. A good example of this would be mechanical ventilators that are used on patients who are diagnosed with severe lung conditions like lung cancer and COVID-19. These machines allow the patient to have a prolonged life because they increase the breathing capacity of the patient, amounting to survival in most cases. In the past, if patients went into respiratory distress, their chances of survival were slim to none because of the lack of technology available. In the future, more advances in technology will again expand the standards of health available for people. Third of all, increased health knowledge among everyday people has also boosted the standard of health because individuals are more aware of what factors can lead to better health. The rise of the internet has allowed people to research about diets and exercises they can do to optimize their own standard of health. Before the internet, when I was a child, the only way to find out about diets and exercises were through books in the library. Because of the wide base of knowledge that is easily accessible now, health standards have gotten better and will continue to do so in the future. The combination of three factors: legislation, technology, and knowledge has increased the health standard now compared to decades and centuries ago. In the next five to twenty years, more public health laws, super advanced technology, and multiplied levels of knowledge will contribute to an even higher standard of health than what is currently available.
The average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is likely to be lower in the future than it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
. I
highly
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as a physician, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
increase as the years go on.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, legislation has made it possible to have a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, in the Philippines, smoking in public places has
been curbed
in the past five years due to laws that ban smoking inside restaurants, clubs, and other business establishments. This has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for most Filipinos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it eliminated the possibility of second hand smoke, which has
been found
to be detrimental to lung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is a contrast to the decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, when smoking was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
anywhere and everywhere. By having the anti-smoking law in place, a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
was created
.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
machines that can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
a chance at a longer life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this would be mechanical ventilators that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
who
are diagnosed
with severe lung conditions like lung cancer and COVID-19. These machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
to have a prolonged life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they increase the breathing capacity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
, amounting to survival
in most cases
. In the past, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
went into respiratory distress, their chances of survival were slim to none
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
available. In the future, more advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will again expand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Third of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
among everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
also
boosted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals are more aware of what factors can lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The rise of the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to research about diets and exercises they can do to optimize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the internet, when I was a child, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to find out about diets and exercises were through books in the library.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the wide base of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that is
easily
accessible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
have gotten better and will continue to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the future.

The combination of three factors: legislation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
compared to decades and centuries ago. In the
next
five to twenty years, more public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
laws, super advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, and multiplied levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
will contribute to an even higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standard
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than what is
currently
available.
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IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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