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Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life Oy12N
Traditionally on this day, most people tend to view things differently, even whether nowadays, advertisements have influenced the most people. Therefore, advertising then prevalent more and more common in our every life. To some people they may think that disadvantages of advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life. On the contrary, in my opinion, I completely believe that advantages of advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life. The following cases and examples will help to support my point of view. To begin with advantages of advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life has two main benefits. Firstly, elderly people like watch television commercials as a result make them feel relaxed and enjoy by way of example funny commercials, music ads, food ads and household goods ads. Secondly, young people are find work easier than ever for this reason some companies will be opening jobs through advertisements for example food panda, line man, grab food and other. On the other hand, there are many drawback as well. The main drawback is some advertisements are bad effect on children for instance ads on YouTube not only bad eyesight but also loss of child development because children are watching too many ads on YouTube. To sum up, it is difficult to make all people view things in the same way. Some people argue. On the contrary, I still agree that advantages of advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life. The cases and examples were mentioned above supported my point of view to the best.
Traditionally
on this day, most
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people
tend to view things
differently
, even whether nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have influenced the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, advertising then prevalent more and more
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common
in our every
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life
. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that disadvantages of
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advertisements
are becoming more and more
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common
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the contrary
, in my opinion, I completely believe that advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are becoming more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The following cases and
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examples
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to support my point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with advantages of
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advertisements
are becoming more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has two main benefits.

Firstly
, elderly
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people
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television commercials
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel relaxed and enjoy by way of
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example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
commercials, music ads, food ads and household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
ads.

Secondly
, young
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people
are find work easier than ever
for this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will be opening jobs through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
food panda, line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, grab food and other.

On the other hand
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun drawback seems to be countable; consider using: "many drawbacks".
many drawback
as well
. The main drawback is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on children
for instance
ads on YouTube not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
loss of child development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are watching too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ads on YouTube.

To sum up, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all
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people
view things
in the same way
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue.
On the contrary
, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are becoming more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The cases and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
were mentioned
above supported my point of view to the best.
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IELTS essay Advertisements are becoming more and more common in our daily life

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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