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advantages of tourist and disadvantages

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Many people love to travel in many countries during their free time and spend their vacations by seeing the beauty, traditions, sculptures of foreign countries, due to this activity, travelled countries also get plethora of advantages but concerns are raised by few of the people that there are many cons over pros of travelling but I believe that travelling have more advantages than disadvantages, in following paragraphs I would discuss my viewpoint with supporting example. Many travelers spend the foreign currency in travelled country on shopping, buying tickets for monuments this foreign currency boost the economy to the travelled country as per survey taken by one of the agency in India, tourism department contribute approximately 1. 25% in GDP of country, Foreign travelers also provide occupation to many people specially locals who lived near the famous monuments or sculptures, many companies such as Make my trip give the jobs to people by the help of money invested by travelers during their travelled period. I would like to highlight the Switzerland, approximately one fourth occupations are dependent on tourist. However, we cannot ignore the negative impact of tourism on the country, foreign travelers are responsible for the activities like drugs, prostitutions, involves in smuggling of various products, here taking example of Goa, it is beautiful destination for travelers, sea beeches and beauty of nature is mesmerizing, but due to illegal activity done by travelers, Goa become the drugs cartel of the country and many youngster of Goa are addicted to drugs and ended their life in prison. To conclude, travelling contains both advantages as well as disadvantages, but what we have to do is nullify the negative impacts and focus on its positive side.
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Many
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people
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love
to travel in
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many
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countries
during their free time and spend their vacations by seeing the beauty, traditions, sculptures of
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foreign
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countries
, due to this activity,
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travelled
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countries
also
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get
plethora of advantages
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but
concerns
are raised
by few of the
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people
that there are
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many
cons over pros of travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that travelling have more advantages than disadvantages, in following paragraphs I would discuss my viewpoint with supporting example.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
spend the
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foreign
currency in
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travelled
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country
on shopping, buying tickets for monuments this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
currency boost the economy to the
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travelled
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country
as per survey taken by one of the agency in India, tourism department contribute approximately 1. 25% in GDP of country,

Foreign
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travelers
also
provide occupation to
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many
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people
specially
locals who
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lived
near the
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famous
monuments or sculptures,
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many
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companies
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
my trip give the jobs to
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people
by the
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help
of money invested by
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travelers
during their
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travelled
period. I would like to highlight the Switzerland, approximately one fourth occupations are dependent on tourist.

However
, we cannot
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ignore
the
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negative
impact of tourism on the
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country
,
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foreign
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travelers
are responsible for the activities like drugs,
Possible spelling mistake found.
prostitutions
, involves in smuggling of various products, here taking example of Goa, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
destination for
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travelers
, sea beeches and beauty of nature is mesmerizing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to illegal activity done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
, Goa become the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "drugs'" or "drug's"?
drugs
cartel of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
Possible agreement error. The noun youngster seems to be countable; consider using: "many youngsters".
many youngster
of Goa
are addicted
to drugs and ended their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in prison.

To conclude
, travelling contains both advantages
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do is nullify the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts and focus on its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.
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IELTS essay advantages of tourist and disadvantages

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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