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Advantages of helmets/ the reasons why people should wear helmets

Advantages of helmets/ the reasons why people should wear helmets Yd2Dn
According the statistics, Viet Nam has recorded about 14. 000 road traffic accidents in 2020. This has caused many deaths and affected to their life. One of the serious reasons is not wearing helmets. Helmets is necessary to protect our life. First of all, many peolple are seriously injured beacause their heads will be hit hard so that they are had traumatic brain injury. As we know, traumatic brain injury makes us dead quickly or live without aware. If they had worn helmet, they would have discreased their hurt. Helmets can protect our heads which is the most important body parts. Furthermore, since 2008, the government has enected a law about wearing helmet when you are in traffic. If you do not comply the issue, there are many appropriate punishments to your situation. Finally, helmets also help us to support convenient driving when the weather is bad such as rain, wind. Rainwater, especially rainwater in the city has dirt, bacteria and chemical imperities so they come into direct contact with the eyes, it can cause many type of infections. After all, the benefits of wearing a helmet when in traffic is obivious. Helmets not only protect our lives, but also our families. Always say that safety is first and foremost.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
statistics,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam has recorded about 14. 000 road traffic accidents in 2020. This has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deaths and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to their life. One of the serious reasons is not wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helmets
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Helmets
You should probably use: "are" or "were".
is
necessary to protect our life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolple
are
seriously
injured
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacause
their heads will
be hit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are had
traumatic brain injury. As we know, traumatic brain injury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us dead
quickly
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without aware. If they had worn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helmet
, they would have
Possible spelling mistake found.
discreased
their hurt.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Helmets
can protect our heads which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
body parts.

Furthermore
, since 2008, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
enected
a law about wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helmet
when you are in traffic. If you do not comply the issue, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
appropriate punishments to your situation.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helmets
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to support convenient driving when the weather is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
such as rain, wind. Rainwater,
especially
rainwater in the city has dirt, bacteria and chemical imperities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into direct contact with the eyes, it can cause
Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: "many types".
many type
of infections.

After all
, the benefits of wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helmet
when in traffic is
Possible spelling mistake found.
obivious
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Helmets
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
protect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our families. Always say that safety is
first
and foremost.
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IELTS essay Advantages of helmets/ the reasons why people should wear helmets

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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