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Advantages and disadvantages of internet, smartphones and etc.

Advantages and disadvantages of internet, smartphones and etc. BM0VX
Nowadays, there are a lot of, different and interesting gadgets all over the world. Now, I am going to write about them. In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. Although, all people became very healthy than us. Because of, they did not use many transports, instead of this they used to walk more and more, also did not have any gadgets for using which, helps to them being healthy. So that our air and our planet was fresh. Day by day smart equipments are increasing with increased use of computers the internet and smartphone more and more are starting to work from home. Advantages of them are very goof. In reason, we can solve our problems without going out. For example: imagine, you are economist, but, today you can not come to your work. Despite of this, you need to give your report without delaying. What would you do that time? Of course, you take your notebook and do your report with your computer. And download your review to the internet by your account. Again, I shall give you one more example. You are in abroad now and miss your parents, want to see them. What would you do this statement? Of course, you will phone them by video call and may see all of them. So that, we need the internet and also different gadgets too. Now, I would like to talk about dosadvantages of these. Right those are very useful us however, are unuseful for our body. In addition, internet contains some dark sides that can notbe ignored. It can pose numerous problems to the students if misused. Children these days have lost their communication skills mainly due to the usage of internet. Rather than interacting with people real life, children are more interested in computer communication. They do not use any books. Using the smart devices for a prolonged period of time could contribute to various physical problems such as neck pain, back pain and eye pain. In my conclusion, there are various advantages and disadvantages of all the things.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and interesting gadgets all over the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am going to write about them.

In the past, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel to their place of work.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use "healthier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
healthy
than us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of, they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
transports,
instead
of this they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to walk more and more,
also
did not have any gadgets for using which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to them being healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that our air and our planet was fresh. Day by day smart equipments are increasing with increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers the internet and smartphone more and more are starting to work from home. Advantages of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
goof. In reason, we can solve our problems without going out.
For example
: imagine, you are economist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
you can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to your work.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
this, you need to give your report without delaying. What would you do that time?
Of course
, you take your notebook and do your report with your computer. And download your review to the internet by your account. Again, I shall give you one more example. You are in abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and miss your parents, want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them. What would you do this statement?
Of course
, you will phone them by video call and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, we need the internet and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gadgets too.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I would like to talk about
Possible spelling mistake found.
dosadvantages
of these. Right those are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful us
however
, are unuseful for our body.
In addition
, internet contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dark sides that can
Possible spelling mistake found.
notbe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. It can pose numerous problems to the students if misused. Children these days have lost their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
mainly
due to the usage of internet.
Rather
than interacting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
real life, children are more interested in computer communication. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any books. Using the smart devices for a prolonged period of time could contribute to various physical problems such as neck pain, back pain and eye pain.

In my conclusion, there are various advantages and disadvantages of all the things.
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IELTS essay Advantages and disadvantages of internet, smartphones and etc.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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