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Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. RLQM
Nowadays automation systems are developing dramatically. This means the most laborious processes will bee done by technology. Automation in every branches increases efficiency. I agree that working hours should be reduced. And I am going to explain in the next paragraphs. In the twenty first century it is difficult to evolve without using automation technologies. Automation allows to increase labor productivity improve product quality, optimize management processes and remove human from industries that are hazardous to health. On the one hand why enterprises need for full working hours of employees, if automation does work productively, steadily than people. On the other hand people are frightening, if their working hours will be reduced, they will derive salary the aim lower than they gain now. But people should not be expected more than it is required. In addition, technology easily can work with dangerous gears, hard appliances, that I mentioned before. With their helps, people’s working hours are slowly reducing. We cannot stop this process. In my point of view despite everything working hours are reducing and should be reduce.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
systems are developing
dramatically
. This means the most laborious processes will bee done by technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Automation
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "branch"?
branches
increases efficiency. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. And I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the
next
paragraphs. In the twenty
first
century it is difficult to evolve without using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
technologies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "increasing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to increase
labor productivity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
product quality, optimize management processes and remove human from industries that are hazardous to health. On the one hand why enterprises need for full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of employees, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automation
does work
productively
,
Use "(steadily)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
steadily
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are frightening, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, they will derive salary the aim lower than they gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
more than it
is required
.
In addition
, technology
easily
can work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gears,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
appliances, that I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. With their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are
slowly
reducing. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this process. In my point of view despite everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are reducing and should be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
.

IELTS essay Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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