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Admission Museums Should be Free

Admission Museums Should be Free walke
Museums are a national treasure because of it is filled with inspirational stories from the past. Although several museums make visitors pay for coming inside the building. This essay will talk about the ups and downs of the expenses of museums and provide a logical conclusion on why admission to museums should be free. First of all, there is a benefit on why some museums have made a rule that people who visit must pay a certain amount. The reason is it helps shape the building into a comfortable space. Moreover, the money can be used on materials to clean the areas, as museums are large with roughly eight different rooms. The remaining can be used to fix the damages over the years, and to develop its maintenance by adding in ACs and modern technology. Once the museum has a great interior, it will attract more visitors. The downside is that people tend to say that a historical space should be free because it is a special place to access information and knowledge. For example, apps on phones (like Khan Academy and Google) have decent education about history, where many can learn a lot by just scrolling and clicking. These days, everything there is to know about history can be found on the internet. Hence the reason on why not as much visit museums. That is why I believe that the advantages do not outweigh the negatives. Admission for museums should be money-free to encourage more tourists to see the interesting stories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are a national treasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it
is filled
with inspirational stories from the past. Although several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
visitors pay for coming inside the building. This essay will talk about the ups and downs of the expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and provide a logical conclusion on why admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be free.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is a benefit on why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who visit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay a certain amount. The reason is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
shape the building into a comfortable space.
Moreover
, the money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on materials to clean the areas, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are large with roughly eight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rooms. The remaining can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the damages over the years, and to develop its maintenance by adding in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ACs
and modern technology. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has a great interior, it will attract more visitors. The downside is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to say that a historical space should be free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a special place to access information and knowledge.
For example
, apps on phones (like Khan Academy and Google) have decent education about history, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
can learn a lot by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
scrolling and clicking.

These days, everything there is to know about history can
be found
on the internet.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the reason on why not as much visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
That is
why I believe that the advantages do not outweigh the negatives. Admission for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be money-free to encourage more tourists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the interesting stories.
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IELTS essay Admission Museums Should be Free

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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