Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Admiration of media and sports personalities are gaining increasing popularity

Admiration of media and sports personalities are gaining increasing popularity BYjVm
Admiration of media and sports personalities are gaining increasing popularity among the young generation despite their negative influence. I firmly believe that this is a negative development. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain why blind admiration of media and sports personalities can lead to many pressing repercussions. The young generation admires these media and sports personalities because of their public display of wealth and charming lifestyle. Youngsters try to replicate the lifestyle of these personalities by overlooking their parents paying capacity. Many celebrities have become an overnight sensation because of their excessive spending capacity. Moreover, while trying to replicate the same lifestyle, the younger generation fails miserably and loses handsome money. When these youngsters cannot replicate these personalities' lifestyles, they develop hatred and indulge in crime, drugs and get depressed. Also, it severely affects their mental health. Another example of lousy influence is NFL star, Tom Brady. Tom Brady is a famous football player who has won numerous championships, but last year he was in the headlines because he was caught deflating air out of footballs before each game to make them easier to catch. Now youngsters all over the world believe that it's perfectly fine to cheat to win a game. Although humble and down to earth personalities do exist, they are a relatively small number. To sum up, media and sports personalities' admiration is a negative development because the younger generation fails to understand that there is a very thin line between admiration and obsession. Also, the younger generation needs to recognize that the media is deceitful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Admiration
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities are gaining increasing popularity among the young generation despite their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence. I
firmly
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why blind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pressing repercussions.

The young generation admires these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their public display of wealth and charming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Youngsters try to replicate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of these personalities by overlooking their parents paying capacity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
celebrities have become an overnight sensation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their excessive spending capacity.

Moreover
, while trying to replicate the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, the younger generation fails
miserably
and loses handsome money. When these youngsters cannot replicate these personalities'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
, they develop hatred and indulge in crime, drugs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed.
Also
, it
severely
affects their mental health. Another example of lousy influence is NFL star, Tom Brady. Tom Brady is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football player who has won numerous championships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
last year he was in the headlines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
was caught
deflating air out of footballs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
each game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them easier to catch.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
youngsters all over the world believe that it's
perfectly
fine to cheat to win a game.

Although humble and down to earth personalities do exist, they are a
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the younger generation fails to understand that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
thin line between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admiration
and obsession.
Also
, the younger generation needs to recognize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is deceitful
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Admiration of media and sports personalities are gaining increasing popularity

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts