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According to one survey the life expectancy of people is increasing in developed countries. What problems will this cause for individuals and society

According to one survey the life expectancy of people is increasing in developed countries. What problems will this cause for individuals and society V0XjA
Long life span in rich countries is on the rise in recent times according to studies. Although this is a good development since death rate has declined drastically, it has issues that affects individuals and the community as a whole. In this essay, I will elaborate on some of the problems this may cause to people and the society. Firstly, increased longevity of life may result in high exposure to stress as well as health related problems to an individual. As an human beings age, they may be faced with difficult life situations such as loss of partner, relatives and properties resulting in so much thinking predisposing them to stress which might be avoided if the one died earlier. In addition, aging is taught to be related to disease conditions because of decreased immune system and body function. For instance, disease such as diabetes, hypertension and dementia are closely linked with old age according to scientific evidence. Thus despite the prolong life associated with higher life expectancy, it might make individuals face wide range of illness and life stressors. Secondly, higher dependency on valuable resources otherwise meant for other purposes by numerous aging individuals resulting from longer life periods is another issue faced by the society that calls for an alarm. When people become old, they barely make earns meet since they may not be able to work. This makes them rely solely on the state and other members of the society to cater for their needs. To illustrate this, in a country like Britain, the government is always faced with a finicial crisis as a result of payments of social security to more and more increasingly aging population. This clearly indicates that, valuable resources which may have been used in developing other sectors in the country are channeled in catering for the aging. Finally, increased life span may mount pressures on social services such as hospitals, transport and recreational facilities. Increased life expectancy account for increased population growth aside high birth rates and decreased mortality rate, hence pressure are mounted on services that are not increasing in size and numbers. For example, in America, it believed that the rise in population growth is coming from high prolonged life which indirectly create tension on their hospitals and transport facilities. Consequently, higher rates of life expectancy indirectly affects amenities in the society. In conclusion, even though long life is one major benefit of increased life span, there are much problem such as diseases, stressful situations, and a wider effect on the society accompanying it.
Long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span in rich countries is on the rise in recent times according to studies. Although this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development since death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has declined
drastically
, it has issues that affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the community as a whole. In this essay, I will elaborate on
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems this may cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the society.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
longevity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
may result in high exposure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as well
as health related problems to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. As
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
human beings age, they may
be faced
with difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situations such as loss of partner, relatives and properties resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much thinking predisposing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which might
be avoided
if the one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
earlier.
In addition
, aging
is taught
to
be related
to disease conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of decreased immune system and body function.
For instance
, disease such as diabetes, hypertension and dementia are
closely
linked with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age according to scientific evidence.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
despite
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'prolong' is correct. If 'prolong' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the prolong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
associated with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy, it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
face wide range of illness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
stressors.

Secondly
, higher dependency on valuable resources
otherwise
meant for other purposes by numerous aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
resulting from longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
periods is another issue faced by the society that calls for an alarm. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
since they may not be able to work. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them rely
solely
on the state and other members of the society to cater for their needs. To illustrate this, in a country like Britain, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is always faced with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
finicial
crisis
as a result
of payments of social security to more and more
increasingly
aging population. This
clearly
indicates that, valuable resources which may have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in developing other sectors in the country
are channeled
in catering for the aging.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span may mount pressures on social services such as hospitals, transport and recreational facilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy account for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
population growth aside high birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and decreased mortality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
,
hence
pressure
are mounted
on services that are not
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
increasing in size
and numbers.
For example
, in America, it believed that the rise in population growth is coming from high prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
indirectly
create tension on their hospitals and transport facilities.
Consequently
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy
indirectly
affects amenities in the society.

In conclusion
,
even though
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is one major benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span, there are much
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "problems"?
problem
such as diseases, stressful situations, and a wider effect on the society accompanying it.
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IELTS essay According to one survey the life expectancy of people is increasing in developed countries. What problems will this cause for individuals and society

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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