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about something you would like to receive from your parents as gift for your coming birthday

about something you would like to receive from your parents as gift for your coming birthday yxwLP
There are many gifts which I would like to receive, but one that I like very much is an iPhone 13. The first time I saw it was on November 2, 2021, on TV. I want to receive it in 2 weeks. The iPhone 13 is a product of Apple. It is the best phone now. It is very modern and very expensive. The cost of the iPhone 13 is about 1000–2000 USD. It has many colours: white, dark, red, pink, . . . If I receive an Iphone 13, I will be very happy because it will help me study online, play games, and watch movies better than my old phone. However, it can help me communicate with friends and talk easily. To sum up, I hope I will receive an iPhone 13 for my birthday.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gifts which I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one that I like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much is an iPhone 13. The
first
time I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
it was on November 2, 2021, on TV. I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
it in 2 weeks. The iPhone 13 is a product of Apple. It is the best phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
modern and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive. The cost of the iPhone 13 is about 1000–2000 USD. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
: white, dark, red, pink
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
If I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
13, I will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me study online, play games, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies better than my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
phone.
However
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me communicate with friends and talk
easily
. To sum up, I hope I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
an iPhone 13 for my birthday.
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IELTS essay about something you would like to receive from your parents as gift for your coming birthday

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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