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a very well-known company, and to pursue studying doctorate in order to equal to acquire a complete knowledge about the aviation industry and that helps me with upward movement.

a very well-known company, and to pursue studying doctorate in order to equal to acquire a complete knowledge about the aviation industry and that helps me with upward movement. 1a6aG
first of all, let me introduce myself. My name's Lama. I am originally from Beirut which is in the midpoint of Lebanon's Mediterranean coast but presently staying in Muscat, Sultanate of Oman. I did my Bachelor's Degree in travel and tourism from Lebanese University, Beirut. currently, I am pursuing MBA in aviation management at Emirates University. My long term goal is to achieve a good position in a very well-known company, and to pursue studying doctorate in order to equal to acquire a complete knowledge about the aviation industry and that helps me with upward movement. I've grown up in a small family with one sibling. I am very close to my immediate family but not so close to my extended family, I never really see them and I actually have a distant uncle who lives in Sweden. To be honest, on my mother's side of the family everyone gets annoyed very swiftly but on my father's side of the family everyone is really relaxed, so I got traits from my father's side.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me introduce myself. My name's Lama. I am
originally
from Beirut which is in the midpoint of Lebanon's Mediterranean coast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
presently
staying in Muscat, Sultanate of Oman. I did my Bachelor's Degree in travel and tourism from Lebanese University, Beirut.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
currently
, I am pursuing MBA in aviation management at Emirates University. My long term goal is to achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and to pursue studying doctorate in order to equal to acquire a complete knowledge about the aviation industry and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me with upward movement.

I've grown up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with one sibling. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to my immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
close to my extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I never
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them and I actually have a distant uncle who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Sweden. To be honest, on my mother's side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
annoyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
swiftly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on my father's side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
everyone is
really
relaxed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
traits from my father's side.
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IELTS essay a very well-known company, and to pursue studying doctorate in order to equal to acquire a complete knowledge about the aviation industry and that helps me with upward movement.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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