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A lot of social problems can these days be related to teenagers. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time and take care of their teenage child. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

A lot of social problems can these days be related to teenagers. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time and take care of their teenage child. v. 2
It is an inevitable fact that social problems related to teenagers are a popular, indisputable and debatable issue in this contemporary world. Who is responsible for these social problems? Is it the teenagers, parents or teachers? Well, I am inclined to agree with the statement that parents play a vital role in every individual's life. I would like to propound and expound on this topic to get to a concrete decision. Firstly, many teenagers lack of social awareness does huge harm to environment by throwing the trash in nearby public areas, spitting and polluting the lanes with their 'No pollution control' vehicles. However, teachers and parents can educate them the effects of the environment. Furthermore, young adolescents talking some abusive and showing violent behaviour should be banned among schools and at homes and should be strictly punished, so that this will not be repeated next time. For instance- I saw an article in the newspaper regarding the young boy talking nonsense and using abusive language to an old man in public transport. Apparently, parents must control and educate the children in a viable way to respect elders and to make them learn what is good and what is bad from the early age. Secondly, there has been appalling, indisputable facts recorded in recent times that school students are ragging their juniors and misbehaving with other students. In addition, independence and lenience have been given by the school authorities because of parents force which made students to misbehave. There is a saying that, having anything more than enough is not a good thing. Although many people think its parents responsibility to take care of their children, some people think its the technology and generation gap which plays a paramount role in changing children's lifestyle. For instance- parents can control the use of mobile phones and regular follow up with the school management can change the behaviour with good guidance. To conclude, I am inclined to agree with the aforementioned statement that parents play a crucial role in any child's life, if they don't take good care and sparing some time from their busy work schedules, children are more likely to get into social problems unaware of what will happen to their future. Therefore, it's just not only parent's responsibility, but also teachers and the community surrounding them with good guidance making every individual as a good citizen of the country.
It is an inevitable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are a popular, indisputable and debatable issue in this contemporary world. Who is responsible for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems? Is it the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or teachers? Well, I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a vital role in every individual's life. I would like to propound and expound on this topic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to a concrete decision.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
awareness does huge harm to environment by throwing the trash in nearby public areas, spitting and polluting the lanes with their 'No pollution control' vehicles.
However
, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can educate them the effects of the environment.
Furthermore
, young adolescents talking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
abusive and showing violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be banned
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and at homes and should be
strictly
punished,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this will not
be repeated
next
time.
For instance
- I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an article in the newspaper regarding the young boy talking nonsense and using abusive language to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in public transport.
Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control and educate the children
Consider replacing "in a viable way" with the adverb for "viable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a viable way
to respect elders and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them learn what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
from the early age.

Secondly
, there has been appalling, indisputable facts recorded in recent times that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students are ragging their juniors and misbehaving with other students.
In addition
, independence and lenience have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force which made students to misbehave. There is a saying that, having anything more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
responsibility to take care of their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the technology and generation gap which plays a paramount role in changing children's lifestyle.
For instance
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones and regular follow up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
guidance.

To conclude
, I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role in any child's life, if they don't take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
care and sparing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time from their busy work schedules, children are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems unaware of what will happen to their future.
Therefore
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parent's responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teachers and the community surrounding them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
guidance making every individual as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizen of the country.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay A lot of social problems can these days be related to teenagers. Some feel that this is because parents are not able to spend enough time and take care of their teenage child. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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